Chapter 2 - Connecting Is All About Others

1. NOT GETTING THE MESSAGE

I insulted(凌辱) the two of them and humiliated(羞辱) myself.”
fitness trainer

This, of course, isn’t a phenomenon only in business.

I’ve known many teachers and speakers who possess that self-focused mind-set.

Every conversation is about them. Every communication is an opportunity for them to demonstrate their brilliance and share their expertise. 

My friend Elmer Towns, a professor and dean at Liberty University, once told me that self-centered teachers seem to share a common philosophy:

Ram it in—jam it in,

Students’ heads are hollow.

Cram it in—slam it in,

There is more to follow.

 

2.THE LIGHTBULB MOMENT 突然醒悟的那一瞬间

First, I would study good communicators, which is something I have done ever since.

Second, I would try to connect with others by focusing on them and their needs instead of my own.

If you will first help people get what they want, they will help you get what you want.”

 

3.IT’S NOT ABOUT ME !

Maturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others. Immature people don’t see things from someone else’s point of view. They rarely concern themselves with what’s best for others. In many ways, they act like small children.

Is your deportment impeccable? Is your phraseology perfect?

after your dreams have been shattered . . . after your heart has been broken . . . after your arrogance(cocky) has reckoned with despair. Then there will be room for all of us in your world. Then you won’t care if we applaud your brilliance. You’ll be one of us.

I breezed through the questions until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?” Surely this was a joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times, but how would I know her name?

When we learn to turn our focus from ourselves to others, the whole world opens up to us. This truth is understood by successful people in every walk of life in every part of the world.
At an international meeting of company executives, one American business-person asked an executive from Japan what he regarded as the most important language for world trade. The American thought the answer would be English. But the executive from Japan, who had a more holistic understanding of business, smiled and replied, “My customer’s language.”

Knowing your product but not your customers will mean having something to sell but no one to buy. And the value you place on others must be genuine. As Bridget Haymond commented, “You can talk till you are blue in the face, but people know in their gut if you really care about them.”

When the speaker is insecure, he will seek approval from his audience. And the more he wants to seek approval from them, the more engrossed he becomes in himself and how he can impress others. As a result, he is more likely to fail to meet the needs of the moment.

 

4. A MATTER OF CONNECTION

Despite his business success, Nabi keeps everything in perspective. When we were at the conference together, Nabi told me, “We aren’t in the coffee business, serving people. We’re in the people business, serving coffee.”

Nabi gives this advice to people in the service industry: “You have to have a service heart. You have to be prepared to serve the needs of those people you come into contact with.

 

5.THREE QUESTIONS PEOPLE ARE ASKING ABOUT YOU

“DO YOU CARE FOR ME?”

“CAN YOU HELP ME?”

“CAN I TRUST YOU?”

And from that moment on, you have the potential to create something beneficial for both you and them, because good relationships usually lead to good things: ideas, growth, partnerships, and more. People live better when they care about one another.

The connection is made when they know that you are there for them—it’s all about building trust through a loving, caring relationship. You must be sincere and worthy of being followed to connect and build a relationship with the ocean’s top predator.

They are often preoccupied with their own worries and needs.
engrossed

I asked him questions about his success in business. Tom is the founder and CEO of Prasco, an independent pharmaceutical company. He told me he owed his success to one question he has always asked in any and every situation: “Can I help you?” By helping others, he has also helped himself. “Whenever people have a heart to do better,” said Tom, “I help them if I can. What I found is that as I lifted others to a higher level, they lifted me up also.”

There’s an old saying in sales: Nobody wants to be sold, but everyone wants to be helped.