The American Way -- Greetings
"East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet." At
least, that's what English writer Rudyard Kipling said. Truth is,
nowadays Easterners and Westerners meet quite often. And when they do
meet, naturally, they have to find an appropriate greeting. Aye,
there's the rub. What's culturally appropriate for people in one
culture may be completely out of line in another culture. So the best approach is to follow the well-known maxim, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."
So what's an appropriate salutation for Americans? Maybe you already know how to say, "How are you?" You might even know the customary response, "Fine, thanks, and you?" Is that all there is to greeting people American-style? Well, Americans do often use this trite greeting, and they generally expect nothing but the standard answer. (If you want to shock an American friend, the next time he greets you this way, tell him how you're really doing.)
But most Americans enjoy a little variety now and then. In informal settings, you might hear Americans say, "How's it going?" (which doesn't mean, "What's your destination?") or "What's up?" (which isn't an inquiry about the stock market). Formal situations, on the other hand might call for expressions like "Good morning" or "Hello, it's nice to see you."
After the initial "hello," what kind of comments are appropriate to kick off a conversation? You might engage in small talk and make a remark about the weather, your job or current events. Or you could ask your American friend about his recent activities or his upcoming plans.
If you know that he's been under the weather, you might ask him how he's feeling. But don't make use of personal comments or questions like "Boy, you've put on weight!" or "What are all those bumps on your face?" or "How much money did that necklace cost?" Americans might take offense at questions or comments about money or their appearance.
One other caution: In some social contexts, particularly in an office or a professional setting, greetings between the sexes should be very conservative. If you're a man, greeting a woman with a statement like "Wow! You look beautiful today!" may be construed as a come-on. So when you're giving a compliment, the key is to use discretion.
What about overt displays of affection, like hugging and kissing? Contrary to some stereotypes, Americans don't go around hugging and kissing everyone they meet. Of course, girls might give each other a squeeze as a friendly gesture, and in some high society circles, a little peck on the cheek is a common courtesy. But except with family members and close friends, Americans usually don't give out wholesale hugs. Besides that, not all Americans are inveterate huggers anyway. So don't wrap your arms around the next American you see. He or she might be just as uncomfortable as you are.
A more common form of greeting in America is the handshake. Generally, handshaking is expected in more formal settings, such as when making business contacts or coming face-toface with an important personage. But friends (especially men) often pump hands and slap each other on the back. And when people are introduced, they may shake hands (or at least nod their heads) as a sign of cordiality.
A man will usually wait for a woman to extend her hand before offering his, however. When you get a chance to shake hands with someone, make it count. People will judge you by the quality of your grip. The "cold fish" approach doesn't usually go over very well with Americans. Oh, and another thing about handshakes: Let go. You have to know when to stop shaking the other person's hand. Usually, a second or two will do.
And if all else fails, smile. A smile is a universal language. No matter how far east or west you go, it's the one greeting that's almost always welcome. (Cheshire cat grins, however, are another matter.) When you're armed with a smile, and your heart is open, cross-cultural barriers quickly fall down. As Rudyard Kipling's verse concludes, "There is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth / When two strong men stand face to face, though they come from the ends of earth!"
So what's an appropriate salutation for Americans? Maybe you already know how to say, "How are you?" You might even know the customary response, "Fine, thanks, and you?" Is that all there is to greeting people American-style? Well, Americans do often use this trite greeting, and they generally expect nothing but the standard answer. (If you want to shock an American friend, the next time he greets you this way, tell him how you're really doing.)
But most Americans enjoy a little variety now and then. In informal settings, you might hear Americans say, "How's it going?" (which doesn't mean, "What's your destination?") or "What's up?" (which isn't an inquiry about the stock market). Formal situations, on the other hand might call for expressions like "Good morning" or "Hello, it's nice to see you."
After the initial "hello," what kind of comments are appropriate to kick off a conversation? You might engage in small talk and make a remark about the weather, your job or current events. Or you could ask your American friend about his recent activities or his upcoming plans.
If you know that he's been under the weather, you might ask him how he's feeling. But don't make use of personal comments or questions like "Boy, you've put on weight!" or "What are all those bumps on your face?" or "How much money did that necklace cost?" Americans might take offense at questions or comments about money or their appearance.
One other caution: In some social contexts, particularly in an office or a professional setting, greetings between the sexes should be very conservative. If you're a man, greeting a woman with a statement like "Wow! You look beautiful today!" may be construed as a come-on. So when you're giving a compliment, the key is to use discretion.
What about overt displays of affection, like hugging and kissing? Contrary to some stereotypes, Americans don't go around hugging and kissing everyone they meet. Of course, girls might give each other a squeeze as a friendly gesture, and in some high society circles, a little peck on the cheek is a common courtesy. But except with family members and close friends, Americans usually don't give out wholesale hugs. Besides that, not all Americans are inveterate huggers anyway. So don't wrap your arms around the next American you see. He or she might be just as uncomfortable as you are.
A more common form of greeting in America is the handshake. Generally, handshaking is expected in more formal settings, such as when making business contacts or coming face-toface with an important personage. But friends (especially men) often pump hands and slap each other on the back. And when people are introduced, they may shake hands (or at least nod their heads) as a sign of cordiality.
A man will usually wait for a woman to extend her hand before offering his, however. When you get a chance to shake hands with someone, make it count. People will judge you by the quality of your grip. The "cold fish" approach doesn't usually go over very well with Americans. Oh, and another thing about handshakes: Let go. You have to know when to stop shaking the other person's hand. Usually, a second or two will do.
And if all else fails, smile. A smile is a universal language. No matter how far east or west you go, it's the one greeting that's almost always welcome. (Cheshire cat grins, however, are another matter.) When you're armed with a smile, and your heart is open, cross-cultural barriers quickly fall down. As Rudyard Kipling's verse concludes, "There is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth / When two strong men stand face to face, though they come from the ends of earth!"
