The American Way -- Nonverbal Communication
The boy and girl glance around the crowded room. Their eyes meet. Embarrassed, they look away. Nervously, they steal glances at each other, averting their eyes when they see the other one looking back. The boy acts cool, crossing his legs and affecting a casual air—even though his heart is beating wildly.
The girl, obviously smitten herself, is afraid the boy will see her looking at him. A few seconds pass. He looks at her again. She starts to blush. He nervously looks at the ceiling and whistles softly to himself. They continue their cat-and-mouse game for a seemingly interminable period of time. Will they ever talk to each other?
The fact is, they have already communicated a lot, without ever saying anything. Nonverbal elements form a major part of any communication interchange. Some people would say it’s the most important part. According to one study, words convey only 7 percent of a person’s message. Intonation and voice quality communicate 38 percent, and nonverbal cues transmit a whopping 55 percent. That means people pick up more from nonverbal communication than from the words a person says. When studying about a foreign culture then, it just makes sense to pay attention to how people use nonverbal cues.
Gestures comprise a major form of nonverbal communication. In contrast to sign language, used by deaf people to communicate elaborate messages, gestures function as visual icons which represent a single idea. But often these gestures are embarrassingly culture-bound. For example, when the Maoris of New Zealand stick out their tongue at someone, it is a sign of respect. When American schoolchildren make the same gesture, it means just the opposite.
Also, Americans often indicate “OK” with their thumb and forefinger touching to form a circle. The same gesture means “money” to the Japanese, “zero” to the French and a vulgarity to Brazilians. For that reason, people in a foreign culture must use gestures with caution.
Another cultural aspect of nonverbal communication is one that you might not think about: space. Every person perceives himself to have a sort of invisible shield surrounding his physical body. When someone comes too close, he feels uncomfortable. When he bumps into someone, he feels obligated to apologize.
But the size of a person's "comfort zone" varies, depending on his cultural or ethnic origin. For example, in casual conversation, many Americans stand about four feet apart. In other words, they like to keep each other "at arm's length." People in Latin or Arab cultures, in contrast, stand very close to each other, and touch each other often. If someone from one of those cultures stands too close to an American while in conversation, the American may feel uncomfortable and back away.
When Americans are talking, they expect others to respond to what they are saying. To Americans, polite conversationalists empathize by displaying expressions of excitement or disgust, shock or sadness. People with a "poker face," whose emotions are hidden by a deadpan expression, are looked upon with suspicion. Americans also indicate their attentiveness in a conversation by raising their eyebrows, nodding, smiling politely and maintaining good eye contact.
Whereas some cultures view direct eye contact as impolite or threatening, Americans see it as a sign of genuineness and honesty. If a person doesn't look you in the eye, Americans might say you should question his motives—or assume that he doesn't like you. Yet with all the concern for eye contact, Americans still consider staring—especially at strangers—to be rude.
Considering the influence of nonverbal communication, we never really stop communicating. How we walk, how we stand, how we use our hands, how we position our bodies, how we show emotions—all send a message to others. That's why it's possible, as the saying goes, to "read someone like a book." And if you read the person right, as the boy and girl in the crowded room later discovered, it just might turn into a love story.