New Purpose

I have been thinking. About why I constantly grab the feeling of inferior and alone, why I have so many plan unfinished, why I can't pull again as high school. The anwser I fetched for the old me was that there was no one I could be fighting for anymore, that I don't have a companion to learn with, no strict agenda to follow, no competitor. But of course, I know that's all just excuses, well defined excuses.

I acctually find myself pondering about what I did with the very relaxing last six months. A friend of mine said that he is not gonna do a class with me next semester, since he is afraid he might lose some opportunaties should the class went sour. He may not know but he indeed remind me of my interview before I was in the current SPE. It was comprehensive and gentle. Professors are not really bothered by my very average GPA. Instead they were more into what I was going for, what I could accomplish. I was very touched when I found out that I was enrolled actually. 

 

Anyway, what all that lead to one thought, one question: I am having more spare time than ever this year, what have I learned ? Well, indeed, I have brilliant plan when I first move to the South Campus, rigid schemes for classes, Atomic Physics, Mathematical Physics, Classical Mechenics, Statistical Mechenics, etc. and elaborately choosen textbooks and references. You name it. But I failed them all. I took the classes and dropped out. I went into MOOCs and dropped out. I read books and dropped out. The only thing seems to be a constant is that I always make plans. Whenever I failed myself somehow, I came out with a new plan, the old one perfected in some way. 

 

And when I think about it, I know something is wrong. The solution I used to come up with is a better plan. But not this time. Now, though I haven't really got a better idea to promote self control, I could always stick to the old plan, which worked for a while, back at high school, that is write reflctions on weekly bases. Only this time, reflections are hardly the main parts.

 

As I claimed in the first post here that this blog is gonna be a new side of me, though not very much kept to my word yet, I've had my chance to follow the best since the day I know blogs, learned a lot of things, and recently I am learning, from people's TURTORIALs, GR, cosmology and so on, for free. That when these ideas strike me hard, why don't I write something for others, getting my own understanding to others. I have been keeping heavy notes, and sorting things out weekly may be a critical help to me, along side with keep me on track.    

 

And of course, here is gonna be some plans as always....

For the coming vacation, I may be writing :

Mathematical Physics                            

Cosmology

Particle Physics ABC

Axions : Detecting[Paper Related]

*Functional Analysis

*Physics In One Piece 

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 * means entire imagination states.