(Chandler lights a cigarette.)
All: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!
Rachel: It's worse than the thumb!
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair!
Monica: Oh, why is it unfair?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?
(An awkward silence ensues.)
Joey: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?
Rachel: Well, I-I could live without it.
Joey: Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
(Phoebe spits out her hair.)
Ross: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's endearing.
Joey: Oh, (Imitating Ross) "you do, do you"?
(Monica laughs and snorts.)
Ross: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
Rachel: "Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work.
Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.
(They degenerate into bickering and Chandler happily starts to smoke, undisturbed.)
Monica: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan.
(They all gasp and clutch each other.)
Ross: Is there somebody else?
Monica: No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change.
Rachel: We didn't change..
Joey: So that's it? It's over? Just like that?
Phoebe: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I- (starts chewing her hair)
Monica: Look, I- I could go on pretending-
Joey: Okay!
Monica: -but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to Alan- It wouldn't be fair to you!
Ross: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were.
Monica: I'm sorry..
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!
Rachel: (tearful) I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family-
Monica: I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans.
All: Oh, yeah! Right!
Monica: Are you guys gonna be okay?
Ross: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time.
Monica: (dubious) I understand.
