原文作者：不详
原文链接：four lessons in management
译者：鬼鬼
第一课
一个初级经理，一个高级经理还有他们的老板在去开会的路上。当他们穿过一个公园的时候，发现了一盏神灯，他们擦了擦，一个妖怪出现了。
妖怪说，通常一个人可以许三个愿望，但是，你们有三个人，我就允许你们一人需一个吧。
高级经理迫不及待的喊道：‘我要第一个愿望，我想要无忧无虑的在巴哈马群岛的一艘快船上。’噗。。。他不见了
初级经理也不能再保持安静了，喊道：‘我想要在佛罗里达，被美女围绕着，还有好多的食物和鸡尾酒。’噗。。。他也不见了
老板平静地说：‘我要这两个白痴在午饭后12点55分回到办公室。’
故事的寓意是：永远让你的老板先发言。
第二课
一个CEO站在碎纸机前，拿着一张纸说：‘听着，这个是非常敏感，非常重要的文件，而我的秘书走了。你会用这个嘛？’‘当然了。’一个年轻的职员说到。他打开了机器，把纸塞了进去，并按下了开始键。
看着纸张消失在碎纸机里面，CEO说到，‘非常好，非常好。我只是还需要一份拷贝。’
故事的寓意：永远，永远不要假设你的老板会知道所有的事情
第三课
有四个人一起发现了一个神奇的小瓶子，一个俄罗斯人，一个德国人，一个美国人和一个法国人。
当他们摩擦那个瓶子的时候，一个妖怪出现了。很感激他们四个人把他从瓶子里放了出来，他说，‘在你们旁边，有四个游泳池，我给你们每人一个愿望。当你们跑向游泳池，向下跳的时候，你大喊出你希望游泳池中的水变成什么，然后你的愿望就会实现。’
法国人想要开始了，他跑向游泳池，跳起来喊道；‘红酒’。游泳池立刻变成了一池子的红酒。法国人开心的在里面游着，喝着。
下一个轮到俄国人了，他同样跑着然后喊道；‘伏特加。’然后将他自己沉入到满是伏特加的泳池里。
再下一个是德国人，他跳着喊道；‘啤酒。’他在他的啤酒池里非常的满足。
最后一个是美国人，当他跑向游泳池时，不小心踩到了一块儿香蕉皮，他滑向游泳池，喊道；‘SHIT!!!’’（这个大家肯定都了解了。。。）
故事的寓意是：开口说话前一定要仔细想清楚，因为有些时候，意外真的会发生
第四课
身体里的器官在开会，想要决定谁将负责主管。每个器官轮流发言：
大脑：‘我应该负责，因为我运转所有身体功能。’
血液：‘我应该负责，因为我为大脑循环氧气。’
胃：‘我应该负责，因为我为了大脑处理食物。’
腿：‘我应该负责，因为我可以带大脑去他想去的任何地方。’
眼睛：‘我应该负责，因为我可以让大脑看到他在哪里’
屁眼（有点儿不文明，但是。。。忍了吧。。。）：‘我应该负责，因为我可以摆脱掉你们所有的垃圾。’
其他所有器官都笑话屁眼，这使他非常生气。为了论证他的观点，屁眼立即紧闭住，并这样持续了6天，拒绝排掉身体里的任何垃圾。
第一天：‘大脑有了可怕的疼痛，并用大哭来缓解自己。’
第二天：‘胃开始发胀并也开始了可怕的疼痛。’
第三天：‘腿开始抽筋，并站不稳了。’
第四天：‘眼睛开始湿润，并且看不清楚了。’
第五天：‘血液开始中毒，并传向身体。’
第六天：‘所有器官都同意让屁眼负责。’
故事的寓意是：不管你是谁，或者你自认为自己有多重要，你会发现负责的那个人永远是混蛋！
下面附上原文
4 Lessons in Management
LESSON 1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to
a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder
lamp. They rub the lamp and a genie appears.
The genie says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
three, I will allow one wish each."
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want
to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries."
Pfufffff...and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted, "I want to be
In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails."
Pfufffff... and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office
after lunch at 12:55 pm."
Moral of the story:
"ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST."
LESSON 2
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important
document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on,
inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside
the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
Moral of the story:
"NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING."
LESSON 3
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a
Frenchman, who found this small genie bottle together.
When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4
guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are
4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run
towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water
to become, then your wish will come true."
The Frenchman wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and
shouted, "WINE."
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was
so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next was the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and
immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER." He was so
contented with his beer pool.
The last was the American. He was running towards the pool when
suddenly he stepped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and
shouted, "SHIT!!!..."
Moral of the story:
"THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN."
LESSON 4
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was
in-charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain...I should be in-charge because I run all body functions.
Blood...I should be in-charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach...I should be in-charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs...I should be in-charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes...I should be in-charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole...I should be in-charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and
stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste
whatsoever.
Day 1: Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief.
Day 2: Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly.
Day 3: Legs got cramps and became unstable.
Day 4: Eyes became watery and vision became blurred.
Day 5: Blood became toxic and poisoned the body.
Day 6: The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in-charge.
Moral of the story:
"NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL
FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE."
