沃顿商学院全套笔记-二十八-
沃顿商学院全套笔记（二十八）
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P13：12_一个寓言故事.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
In the success course， we like to tell stories。
And one of the ones that's my favorite actually has its roots here in the city of Philadelphia。
where the University of Pennsylvania and the Wharton School are located。
There was a Baptist minister named Conwell， who in the 1800s went around telling a story。
that people paid to hear， because in those days it was no TV， so people paid to go to lectures。
And he told the story all over the United States， all over America。
and earned millions of dollars telling it。 And then went ahead and used that money to start one of our great universities here in Philadelphia Temple University。
So I'm going to tell you the story， and then we're going to pull it back and relate it to the materials about success that the course is about。
So the story goes to something like this。 There was a farmer named Ollie Hoffed。
who lived in the Middle East in his own little farm and had a family， and was hard-working。
struggled to make ends meet， but made a living。 And then one day。
a Buddhist priest from the Far East， who was on a pilgrimage， came wandering by。
and asked if he could stay with Ollie Hoffed for a few days， and he did。 And over dinner one night。
the Buddhist priest began talking about his travels。
and he said that there were areas of the world where one could find diamonds。
And they were incredible， these diamonds， and very， very valuable。
And Ollie Hoffed had never actually heard of a diamond before。
so he asked the Buddhist priest to tell him more about the diamonds。
and the Buddhist priest described their wonderful properties， and they glittered。
and they were beloved by all， and made wonderful jewelry and expensive。
And so Ollie Hoffed began to get a desire to find some of these diamonds。
so he asked the Buddhist priest where the diamonds could be found。
And the Buddhist priest looked thoughtful and said， "Well， you can always tell where they are。
The mountains in the area where diamonds are， you know， kind of come to a certain peak。
and then there's a river that flows beneath the mountains， and there's some sandy。
silver sands that the river flows through。 And then if you look in this clear water。
the diamonds can be seen under the water， and then there's just， you know。
unlimited diamonds in these areas that had this characteristic。"， So Ollie Hoffed， you know。
really got sold on it now， and so he decided he would make a quest and go off and find some diamonds for himself。
and become wealthy。 And so he left his family， he packed all his goods for a long journey。
and off he went in search of the area where diamonds could be found， and he searched high。
he searched low。 And in the end he was a bitter man， he had searched his whole life。
he'd never found the area where the diamonds were， he had many hardships， and finally in despair。
he cast himself into the ocean and died。 Meanwhile， back at the farm。
someone had bought Ollie Hoffed's farm and taken it over。
and one day the new owner was in the backyard area。
and of course they were looking up at the mountains that were just behind the farm and they set a certain way。
and there was a river that flowed back in the back area of the farm that went back through that。
and there were some very silver sandy areas in the riverbed。
and this new owner noticed a little glint of a sparkle underneath the water。
reached down and picked it up， and it was a diamond， and then reached down and picked up another。
and it was another diamond。 And it turned out that Ollie Hoffed's whole back 40 acres was nothing but a giant diamond field that became the largest diamond mind that the world had ever known。
So at this point in his story， Reverend Conwell would then say。
so the lesson is don't go searching in far off lands to find wealth and prosperity。
it's in your own backyard， and if you live in Philadelphia。
look in Philadelphia for all the things you can do。 If you live in New York， you would say。
look in New York for all the things you can do， and build your fortune where you are。 In our course。
what we like to do is say that you are your own backyard。
and that the job you have is to look into your capabilities， your interests。
and discover the diamonds that you have in yourself。
as the foundation for how you'll achieve satisfaction， happiness。
and whatever achievements you think are worth having。
So we locate four different diamonds in the course。
and that's the subject that we're going to take up in the next session。 [ Silence ]。
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P14：13_你的钻石在哪里.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
So， what are your diamonds？
What are the capabilities that you have in your own heart and soul that you can access。
to begin to develop the kind of inner and outer success that will feel the most satisfying， to you？
I've got them down in four categories。 And in general， it's kind of counterintuitive。
but it's often a case that you can move forward， by first looking backwards。
So we all have childhood and youthful interests and passions that we engage with when we were。
kids that we left behind and they didn't count anymore after you started taking standardized。
tests and trying to get to be number one in your class or whatever it was。
And now you've reached an adult stage and there's something incomplete or you wouldn't。
be thinking about this subject。 So I always like to go back and say， "Look。
look back at those years when you were， you， know， eight to fifteen and ask yourself。
'What was I really interested in？ What was the thing that lit me up， that got me out of bed。
that was exciting and I enjoyed？"， I think it's often the case that buried in there。
ask your parents， ask a childhood friend， what was it that we really enjoy doing？
And it's tempting to say， "Oh， well， that was just kid stuff。
We were just playing at pretending that we were like cave explorers or cowboys or whatever。"。
But buried in those childhood interests just below the surface is going to be an activity。
a motivation that is still brimming inside you and waiting for the opportunity to be。
elicited by your work environment or a hobby you're engaged in。 So from my own standpoint。
I'll just give you a quick example from my own life。
So I told you I was on this long journey and I ended up living at home in the basement。
and my house and my parents' house。 And eventually I came to the inside that I needed to make a living and selling insulation。
to order door was not probably going to be a long term answer。 So I thought to myself。
"What am I good at？"， And the answer was， "I'm pretty good at words。
I majored in English when I was in college。 I was terrible at math。"。
So a lot of things got ruled out by not good at numbers。
But one of the things that was pretty good with words， so I checked off a bunch of things。
that I might be a teacher of and kind of came to the decision that law might be an option。
if I could get into a law school。 So I went to law school。
not because I was passionate about being a lawyer but because。
I needed to make a living and I needed to get out of my house。
But what happened in law school in the first semester was what has led me to sitting in。
this chair talking to you。 I was in one of the required courses。
There were 150 people sitting in the classroom。 There was a teacher in front teaching about contract law。
And all the students in the class were paying very close attention because this person who。
was teaching us stuff was going to be on the bar exam and that we needed to pass in order。
to get our diplomas。 So I thought it was focused。 And I realized I was sitting there and the professor asked a question。
And my hand shot into the air and I looked around and there were all these other people。
with their hands up。 And I had this out of body experience。
I almost looked like I floated above all 150 students。
I looked down on this whole scene and I realized what I actually wanted to do and be was the。
teacher in the front of the room having everybody on the edge of their seats waiting to hear。
what the question would be and what the answer was。
And that then flipped me to one level deeper and I realized that performing had been something。
I loved to do ever since I was like five years old。
I mean in my little plays that we ran when I was a kid， I was the farmer and the farmer。
and the Dell。 I had the lead role in the fifth grade play and I loved it。
I loved everything about it。 I love being the center of attention。 I love singing the songs。
And so this whole thing suddenly went aha。 The professor in the front of the room was getting a chance to perform。
It wasn't a farmer in the Dell but it was an important subject that you can make a living， on。
And so I began my quest。 Very simple from there on it was what do I have to do to get to be a professor。
I wasn't even sure what I had professed except it was something to do with my law degree。
And so from that little moment of insight inside my own diamonds I discovered my joy。
in performing and how I could use that to become a teacher in a college environment and thrive。
So it's that sort of thing that you might trivialize and say， "Oh well I was the lead。
in my play when I was in fifth grade。"， But in there is the seed of something。
It may be that you like solving puzzles。 It may be that you were really good at helping people or being someone who cared for an elderly。
parent or someone who loved being the head of your little club as a kid。
Those little seeds are still alive and all they need is a little water and they'll bloom。
into a capability that will be incredibly powerful for you because they go all the way。
back into your genes。 And the evidence of it is how far back in your own life they go。
So that's childhood interest， passions， capabilities。
I think when you start that's diamond number one。 Diamond number two。
What are the actual aptitudes and skills that are things you can do better than most people？
Now there's a lot of advice you can access on this。
This is not something I'll be able to teach you in this course but this is where career， counseling。
career coaches， skills assessments， all the kinds of different things that you。
can find out that just give you a sense of what your special aptitudes are that are a。
little better than other people's。 One of my colleagues here at the University of Pennsylvania is a woman named Angela Duckworth。
She just has published a best-selling book on perseverance called Grit。
And she actually took the success course the first year I taught it as a student。
She was a PhD student。 And one of the things she taught me was that capabilities。
skills and aptitudes are subject， to a very interesting amplification process where the more skills you're able to put together。
in a single coordinated activity and you're unusually good at one thing and then another。
thing and another thing。 And this activity actually calls on you to use all of those skills。
The more likely it is that you'll thrive and become excellent at that skill。
I'll give you an example。 Julia Childs， a famous celebrity cook from the last generation。
So Julia Childs started out as a writer。 She studied writing when she was in college。
She graduated and went to work as an ad writer in New York。 And she loved writing but she couldn't。
she wasn't actually very good at writing just， as a writer and so she ended up deciding to quit and she went off on a journey that。
were working about。 She became involved in helping with the， what was。
we call it the CIA now but it was sort， of the security services and the defense intelligence services。
And so she got really good and realized she had a capability at aggregating lots of data。
and different perspectives。 Then she found her husband also during the war。
He happened to be a gourmet cook and introduced her to fine food and French cooking。
They lived in Paris。 She found that she had a real aptitude for cooking。 So now notice what happens。
She's a good writer。 She's good at aggregating lots of data and now she likes cooking。
And as she began to put all these together， she was a pretty good writer， pretty good， cook。
pretty good aggregator but a cook who can write and aggregate data and put together。
a really amazing world class cookbook that's written really well。 That's more unusual。
So she then became a celebrity cookbook writer from putting these three things together。
And the final stage of her career was sort of an accident one day and she was living。
in Boston and a TV show that had a cooking show on it。
Her regular chef was sick or something and she knew the person who was a producer and。
they called and said， "Could you help us out？"， And they put her on TV and she had always liked to be the ham at the party。
She always liked to be the person who cut up and made jokes and was the sort of clown， of the party。
And she brought that instinct which is just another capability which standing alone is。
worth nothing。 And that to being someone who can cook and then you have a comedian， celebrity chef。
the first one in American culture and she became a legend。
So that's what happens when you aggregate aptitudes which each one alone is nothing。
special but when you put them all together and you're doing something that people pay。
you for that causes all four of these to work in harmony in a special circumstance， bingo。
It's really special。 So you're just looking in there for the aptitudes and skills that are genuine。
I tell a story to my students sometimes about Plumber I know who was really good working。
with his hands， really good with fine motor skills， ended up being a surgeon。
I just went to stop being a plumber， went back to school， got the pre-med done and is。
now a fine surgeon。 A friend of mine， actually my book agent。
a guy that I've worked with for almost 20 years， on all the different books I've written。
has a friend up in Cape Cod area who was a dentist， and was a pretty successful dentist。
He woke up one day and realized he hated having his hands and people's mouths and so he began。
thinking what can I do with these skills and he had a hobby of making jewelry。
He quit being a dentist， went full time to using these fine motor skills to make jewelry。
It's the same sort of skill you use when you're creating a crown or making a filling but。
you're making something beautiful that people can wear and now he's a full time jewelry， maker。
He works with his wife on a cruise line making jewelry for people。
A transfer of those skills to something more fun and more lucrative in the satisfaction。
sense had a former student who loved doing Lego work when she was little。
She graduated and is perfectly happy now building financial models on Wall Street。
Same kind of models that she made when she was working with her hands to make a little。
Lego toys but now she does it conceptually with her mind and mathematics that she's learned。
The final example that I have of this is a wonderful story of a student that I had who。
was one of my success students。 She was going into consulting。
She wrote her final paper about her own theory of success and embedded in this paper was。
the fact that she felt the most satisfaction and the most connection with others when she。
was able to help comfort people and use it by the power of touch。
She had a hundred year old grandfather who she had tended and who had been somebody who。
had been a mentor for her and she just wrote about this feeling of touching and helping。
others heal。 I got an email from her a couple of years after she graduated she'd gone into consulting just。
as she prepared for from the Wharton School and she recognized that she was pretty good。
at consulting but very unsatisfied with what it was making her do what sort of skills it。
was asking her to perform。 She was good at them she didn't really enjoy them and so she had decided to go back to。
nursing school get a new undergraduate degree so that she could become a nurse and then。
specialized in geriatric nursing so that she could use her hands to help heal people and。
I got an email from her about a year and a half ago she just graduated from New York。
University's nursing program she had a first job at Surgeons Hospital and she was in the。
geriatric ward you know living a life that used her capabilities and her passions in。
a very different way than when I first met her。 So thinking about aptitudes and skills they're really in some ways genetic so they're very。
stable once you recognize them。 A second diamond well worth your consideration。
The third diamond is just look back at all your accumulated experiences they're uniquely。
yours they tell a story of your mentors your training and even things that you may have。
learned in a professional experience that at the time you didn't enjoy because it was。
in a context that didn't give you much satisfaction when you pull them together your unique set。
of experiences when their purpose the right way will be the source of enormous competitive。
advantage for you in the context in which you're going to use them。
So it's I mean one of the things I was thinking since I can't have you in my class I was thinking。
how can you begin to put some of these things to use and I thought perhaps a good idea would。
be to take out a piece of paper and make a little journal for yourself where you can。
list on a page some of your youthful interests and passions where you can put down on the。
page different assessments you've taken over the years that have probed your aptitudes and。
skills and make a list of those。 Take a look at the different experiences you've had and don't dismiss any of them as irrelevant。
ask your friends your partner your parents you know what are some of the experiences。
that you've had that help you that brought you to where you are。
I mean I was one of the hardest jobs I ever had was I was a waiter in a high-end restaurant。
in Charlottesville Virginia I had to dress up in a silly little colonial outfit to wait。
on tables but the experience of being able to multitask the experience of being able to。
manage my relations with people I didn't know very well and create rapport to create expectations。
that I was able to meet those experiences very powerful and very helpful to me now working。
with executives working with parents and students so your accumulated experiences you leave nothing。
behind if you're on the right track and then the final diamond of the four is your personality。
once again there are many personality assessments you can take that tell you whether you're an。
introvert or an extrovert I have an assessment I call it the same profiler it'll be available。
to you as a part of this course S A M E it stands for the various dimensions of personality that。
relate to social skills that's S action skills that's A mindset that's M and emotions that's。
E and you'll find it very simple they're just a set of items and their statements and then。
you just say on a continuum which statement is more true for you and you locate a little。
X and then assess at the end which are the ones that stand out the most you can take this。
one step further I my students find it useful because you can take the same assessment that。
we're going to post and you can send it out to your social network people that know you。
will and don't tell them what your answers were just ask them for their perspectives on。
what they think your personality is and then you can compare what your network tells you。
as a sort of mirror image or echo to what you think of yourself and then try to put those。
two together to get a reading on your personality so four diamonds useful passions and interests。
genuine aptitudes and skills accumulated experiences and your personality if you put some work。
into discovering where you are on all four of those very often some patterns begin to。
emerge that help you begin to think about why you've enjoyed certain things that you've。
done in the past what might be something or a set of things that might be appealing as。
you walk into the future so so your diamonds are important they're yours they're uniquely。
yours and they're nowhere but in your own heart your own mind in your own memory so with that。
in your pocket we're going to take the pause and then be ready for our next session。 Thank you。
[BLANK_AUDIO]。
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P15：14_成功人士的习惯.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
So we talked about the four diamonds， the capabilities that are coming from within you。
that you can access by looking into your past， looking into your personality and so on。
I want to talk now about two habits that people who you might define as successful tend to have。
Now， we have to be careful in this course about using the word success。
So I just want to make sure that you know where I'm coming from。 By successful people。
I mean people who have somehow integrated these two dimensions。
the outer life of career achievement and whatever is going on in the social world。
and the inner life of personal fulfillment and happiness and satisfaction。
So how are the balances struck？ I think successful people have somehow managed to put the two together。
So one habit that people who have this combination going for them tend to have。
is that they are spontaneously excited， enthusiastic and they are people who tend to learn from the mistakes they make。
Because they are getting the energy from the inner life to apply it to the outer life。
When they meet an obstacle， the energy tends to power them through the barrier， the mistake。
the failure。 And they can get up and brush themselves off and keep going because they are pursuing a source of satisfaction。
that intrinsically motivates them。 So if you think of a kid， a very small child。
we have two sons and I remember when the first one was born。
and was just beginning to crawl and then didn't walk and just crawl。
And I remember thinking to myself， I had this terrible fear that they were going to be the first child who couldn't ever learn to walk。
because he just kept crawling。 And then one day he got up and sort of held himself up and then he stumbled across and fell on his face。
and got up again and started walking some more。 And the whole excitement that a child has when they are learning to walk。
even though it means that they end up falling down， and getting banged around a little bit。
they have that intrinsic excitement about this autonomy that they are experiencing。
the mobility they are experiencing， and the huge expanse of what they can explore when they can walk is what I am talking about。
So successful people have this inner energy that is helping power their outer achievements and it means that they can be resilient。
and that they are in the learning mode。 So that is habit number one is that spontaneous excitement about what it is that you are doing。
Habit number two is the willingness to be dissatisfied。
Now there is a whole school of thought in success studies and psychology that it is the power of positive thinking。
and everybody is supposed to think positive and be happy and then that is the secret to success。
I actually don't think so。 In my experience it is when I have been the most dissatisfied。
the most unhappy with my status quo， that I have discovered the necessity。
the urgency of making a change and moving myself in a better direction。
So I think it is certainly helpful to be able to be happy and it is certainly helpful to think positive when you are experiencing a setback。
and you know that your excitement will take you forward。
But I think it is just as important to recognize and acknowledge dissatisfaction when it occurs。
You are not happy with the boss you have。 You are not happy with the neighborhood you live in。
You are not happy with the opportunities that are available with the education that you have。
You are not happy with the way the political system is working。
And it is out of those dissatisfied moments and the emotions that you feel that new actions then begin to get conceived。
and you begin to see well given this dissatisfaction how can I fix it。
how can I move in a new direction， how can I power myself out of this status quo。
and into a change that promises to be better for me。
So I believe in listening to your dissatisfaction as a source of motivation and I think those two habits are things that I have noticed around me。
and I think that people who I can seem to be successful in the sense that they have combined this inner and outer dimension in certain ways。
the first is their kind of resiliency and their excitement and their ability to get up when they fall down。
and the other is they listen to their dissatisfaction。
they respect their own dissatisfaction as a source of motivation。
and then they begin looking to see who is done better than they have or who has done it differently。
and they seek those people out and start getting new ideas about how they can make their own lives better。
So for diamonds， two habits and you will be surprised to hear what we are going to talk about next。
[ Silence ]。
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P16：15_你的成功价值观为什么这么容易被遗忘.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
One of the frustrating parts about beginning to think more carefully and more systematically。
about what you really mean by success is that even when you discover what you think is the。
answer or an answer， it seems really elusive and you find yourself forgetting it and having。
to relearn it and sliding back to other values that you used to endorse but now know better。
And I think it's really important to realize that one other sort of habit that a successful。
person has is they realize that they're likely to need things to help them remember who they。
really are and where they're going and they have processes that they've adapted and sort。
of created uniquely for themselves to help them remember。 It's not an accident。
It's not a coincidence that most major religions have services on a regular basis every week。
sometimes every day and that the reason is that the religious values that they're teaching。
are also hard to remember and easy to forget and so people come back to the sanctuary or。
to the sermons or to the symbols of a religion and they need to renew that connection over。
and over in order for them to keep those values front and center of their lives。
And the same is true of success values that you devise for yourself。
There are four different ways that I want to talk about how you can help yourself remember。
what your success values are and each of them is both a journey of your imagination as well。
as sometimes a journey back to the past。 People have a couple of assessments that will help you think about these and the first of。
these four is the use of a metaphor。 The human mind is uniquely wired to imagine， think。
associate with the use of metaphors。
and images and the most frequently used image or metaphor for success is a ladder。
The ladder is so ubiquitous as a metaphor for success that people often forget that that's。
what they're actually working with and simply start speaking in terms of this metaphor and。
they're completely unconscious of it。 So people talk about getting to the next step in the ladder of success。
They talk about getting to the next level。 They talk about climbing metaphors。
They talk about where they are on the ladder。 And basically the ladder is a metaphor for status。
And status is an important part of the outer life so it's not irrelevant to success but。
you have to understand the limits of a metaphor if you're going to be able to take some ownership。
and control over it。 So take a look at this picture of a ladder and a person climbing it and see if you can figure。
out any limits that this picture implies。 There's something missing from this picture。
There's something that feels incomplete about this image as a sort of metaphor for a successful。
life。 When I conduct programs for executives and students and I show this image very often people immediately。
identify a number of things。 We'll see how many of them that you picked up on。
First there are many ladders。 And so which one is this person on and why？
And I think it's the case that the image of a ladder is pretty arbitrary。
You may have just started up a ladder at some point in your life and you stop thinking about。
all the other options that you might have explored and simply just keep climbing the one you're， on。
And when you look at it from a little bit of a distance you may appreciate that maybe the。
best move for this person is to actually climb down the ladder there on and to move to another。
one that might be more suitable for them。 People also notice that the ladder just sort of ends and what happens when you get to the。
top。 There's no， the metaphor doesn't help you much。
You get to the top of your ladder what are you supposed to do next？ Doesn't have any continuity。
So maybe you're supposed to jump to another one or maybe you're supposed to like wave。
at people and celebrate yourself。 But nothing much there in the metaphor to help you with that。
And then most importantly probably people tend to eventually notice that this person。
is all by themselves。 And there's just one person climbing a ladder。
And I think if you think about your own life for even a short amount of time you'll realize。
that this is a fundamentally false image of how life works。 Nobody ever does anything alone。
You began in a family of some sort。 You lived in a community。
You went to schools where teachers were helping you。
You have mentors and coaches and all the other people that have kind of bolstered you along。
the way and energized you and motivated you and helped you find your direction。
And none of those people are in this picture。 So if this picture were going to be a little more realistic you would have this throng。
of people all around this person climbing， cheering and providing help and different。
step ladders to get to that point in the ladder and so on。
So it's really important to remember the social context of any kind of satisfying human life。
And this image does not have any of that。 So maybe the ladder is not such a good metaphor。
So another common metaphor is a race。 We certainly a lot of students that come to the Wharton School are very competitive。
They want to win。 They won the race in high school。 They've won the race。
If they're MBA students they've won some sort of race in college。
They're trying to win a race to find the best jobs and employment。
And many people model success as essentially victory winning。 And there's nothing wrong with that。
Competitive energy is really powerful。 If you can channel it well it can get you up in the morning and add some zest and urgency。
to the activities that you engage in and give you and make it kind of fun。
So not saying competition is bad。 Again if you take a look at this picture as a metaphor and take two steps back and look。
at it you may notice there's some problems with this as a theory of success。
That is the overriding theory that you might want to base a life on。
Again when I show this to executives and students almost immediately they recognize that for。
someone to win a lot of people had to lose。 And so is that really necessary condition of your success that you defeat and beat a bunch。
of other people。 And many people when they think about it say well not really。
I like winning but it doesn't have to be that others lose in order for me to win。
There's another problem of course with this。 It's similar to the latter problem and that is which race do you choose to be in。
And if you're a myler or you're a marathon runner or you're a sprinter you better pick。
the right race to use your personality to use your skills， your endurance， your passions。
or you're going to find yourself being very frustrated。
So picking the race is important and then finally if you don't have some perspective。
on competition and all you do is win at any cost you're going to destroy a lot of relationships。
You're going to leave a lot of people injured and you're going to create a fair amount of。
resentment around you and that's really not the optimal conditions for a successful life。
I don't think。
So you have to have a perspective where the winning is something that's more of a game。
Sometimes you win， sometimes you lose。 The people you're racing with are equally engaged and have an equal attitude that it's。
more for the fun and for the energy than it is for any comment on their worthiness as。
a human whether they win or lose。 So add those dimensions to this metaphor and maybe it begins to be helpful but you can。
see if you're not aware of the fact that you're motivated almost entirely by a metaphor of。
winning it can get in your way and you can find yourself in places you don't want to， be。
So another metaphor I'm just going to give you three because really your problem is to。
find one for yourself just want to inspire you with a few different thoughts on how people。
think about this。 It's this image。 It's a pond and someone's just dropped a pebble into it and as a result there are these concentric。
circles that are spreading out from the source of the impact of the pebble in the pond。
And this might be an image for someone who thinks of success as the number or the measure。
of positive influences that they're having on the people around them and that every positive。
influence they have on someone then creates a condition for that person to have a positive。
influence on someone else。 And so these rings can spread pretty far if you set in motion a positive influence by。
helping， mentoring， providing information or inspiration， being able to comfort people。
when they're suffering or when they're down and bringing them to a place where they can。
come back to be more productive again。
A little different than a ladder， it's not like you're going up or down， you're just， spreading。
It's a lot more energy implied in this continuous motion than just winning a race and then lying。
down exhausted because this energy kind of renews itself， it builds on itself。
So over the years as I've taught this subject to many different audiences and I've had。
I've taught to public school teachers， to people in public safety， to people who are。
in healthcare organizations and I challenge them and I'm challenging you to think of a。
metaphor that works for you。 Something thoughtful。
something that embodies who you are and what you are at your best。
I think a good metaphor for success helps you remember your goals because you're able。
to think to yourself。 Am I in the right spot？ Am I doing what I should be doing because I can feel the coherence between my activities。
today and the metaphor for success that I've created for myself？
Some people have suggested an image of a compass to help people find their direction。
High school track coach once suggested that a compass was the metaphor he liked to use。
The person who was a preschool teacher said that her image of success was a big shade。
tree in Africa where the village can come beneath the shade tree and create community。
and renew itself and be sheltered from the sun。 And that was what she was identifying as the place she ought to be and why she did what。
she did。 So， you know， your challenge， find your own metaphor。 Write it down， think about it。
talk to your friends about it， talk to your loved ones。
about it and see if you can refine it a little。 That actually segues to the second tool for remembering and renewing your theory of success。
And that is your social experience。 The people that you choose to surround yourself with。
And if you choose to surround yourself with people who don't hold your values， who resist。
or compete with your values or who minimize them， it's easier， much easier to forget。
what those values are and basically get lost in the values that the social group you're。
a part of endorses。 So I think it's really helpful to be quite self-conscious about choosing your social。
group so that it's a reinforcing experience for your values and not something that compromises。
your values。 You know， when you were a kid， your parents probably wanted to be sure you were hanging。
out with the right people。 And part of the reason they cared about that was not just your safety。
but they wanted， you to hang out with people who would have values that they endorsed as the leaders in。
the family。 And now that you're outside your family circle， you get to make those choices。
And it's important that you pick your social circles wisely。 First Donald， in one of his books。
and it's a subject that we talk about in the success， course。
actually define three kinds of friendships。 And I think this can be a pretty good diagnostic for how you're doing with your friends。
The three types of friends that Aristotle mentioned were friends of pleasure。
Basically these are people that you like to have a good time with。 Friends of utility。
and these are friends that you engage with to get your work done or to。
advance some outer goal that you have。 And both of those kinds of friendships are very helpful。
They can provide you with a good social network。 But the real payoff as Aristotle sought for a social relationship is to find and cherish。
what he called your friends of virtue。 And a friend of virtue is someone who really wants what's best for you。
Someone who when you're around them， it brings out the best aspects of you。
They're the people who can gently offer you reminders of your most important values。
give you a little coaching if you begin to stray from those values。
But also resonate with and embody themselves the same virtues that you honor。
So how many friends of virtue do you have？ Not very many。
They tend to be people who you went through a very important part of life with， who know。
you when you had a crisis or a conflict and they've stuck with you through a transition。
And you know their story， they know your story。 They're people who you renew with。
And it's a good test of a friend of virtue。 And my experience is you haven't seen them for a while。
you call them， and as soon as， the conversation starts， you pick it up right where you left it off。
You understand each other that well。 There's no need to go back and do chit chat and feel the formality of renewing a friendship。
of utility and asking how their jobs are or something like that。
You each know what the most important issues are that you're working on in your lives。
And you pick up with a piece of that as part of the background of how you're relating to。
one another。 So maybe you， different people have different social capacity。
but maybe you have three or， four friends of virtue in your life。
They could be your parents or one of your parents。
They could be a childhood friend or a classmate from college that you happen to room next。
to your freshman year。 And then you've stayed in touch with them ever since。
Maybe they're your spouse。 I think if you have a friend of virtue who's your life partner。
that's a pretty special， combination to go through life with。
So surround yourself with people that renew and remind you of the values。
That's a second very important tool。 Third is to remember and renew your sources of personal self-confidence。
We all have days when we go up and days when we go down and when we're down， we lose our。
self-confidence。 We are basically losing confidence in the underlying success values that we have come。
to endorse and we begin to feel that life doesn't have the same meaning or direction or。
energy as it did。 And so everybody has this happen。
How do you renew that source of self-confidence that will get you back and in motion in the。
direction that you know is best for you？ I've got an exercise that we use in the success course that I want to make available。
It's going to be available for you to download and take。 And it's really a pretty simple。
thoughtful thing to engage in。 In the course we talk about a Roman emperor named Marcus Aurelius。
And Marcus Aurelius lived about two or three hundred A。D。 He was a great general。
He spent a lot of his time fighting wars up in France for the Roman people。
But he was also a philosopher。 And one day he started a journal and he kept writing it and ended up being a document he。
called "To Myself。"， And it was basically a diary。 And the very first entrance in this diary。
he laid out all the people in his life so far， who had endowed him with a legacy that had contributed to his success。
He talked about an uncle， he talked about a teacher， he talked about his father， he talked。
about his mother。 And each of the important qualities that each of these people had sort of handed off to。
him and that had allowed him to become a thoughtful person who was able to sort of consider his。
own life and have a meaningful one。 We call it the legacy exercise。
And I think if you take a look at it in between the sessions that we're sharing together， what。
you'll see is a whole set of lessons about life。 How to love and be loved。 How to set goals。
How to express gratitude。 All these different things。
And what I challenge you to do is think of the person in your life who endowed you with。
the knowledge of that virtue or that practice that allows you to be successful。
And take a moment to remember a story about that person， to bring them into your memory。
and feel a little grateful for what it is that they've given you。 And cumulatively。
when you think about all of the assets that these people have given you。
what tends to happen is your self-confidence begins to return。
Because you realize that you've got a lot more going for you and others have basically given。
you a lot of gifts to help you get along。 And so the legacy exercise can be a great way to renew your self-confidence by thinking。
about how you came to be the person you are。 Just an extra credit step on this。
which I advise my students to do。 After you've done it。
you may discover that there's some people on this list that you。
haven't thanked recently or adequately。 And there's nothing that will make you feel better than to send an email。
pick them a， phone， schedule a call， connect with these people who have endowed you with the legacies。
that they have and express your gratitude to them。
And that also will help you renew your self-confidence as a final step。
The second tool for self-confidence renewal is to just remember the rights of passage。
the difficult moments that have come in your life that you've persevered through and come， beyond。
Basically， what doesn't kill you often makes you stronger。
People look back on periods of their lives when they were in the military or when they。
went through a particularly rough personal crisis in a school or in a relationship。
And they somehow managed to come through it。 And they remember the feeling of capability。
of ability that got them past that right of， passage and renewing that can then push you back on top of the situation that you find。
yourself in。 And finally， for some people， a reminder that they have a faith and a power that's greater。
than they are。 However you define that， whether it's in religious terms or whether it's in terms of。
your place in the great scheme of nature， the continuity， the sort of wheel of life， if。
you have a way to renew that faith， that is often a way to kind of put yourself in the。
hands of that power that's greater than you and renew the confidence that comes from feeling。
that someone else of greater power has you in mind and is behind you as you struggle。
through what is always a challenge in life。 And then the final， we've got your metaphor。
your friends of virtue， the various tools to， renew self-confidence。
The final thing that I find useful and that my student's report is very helpful is to。
have some renewal rituals， some song that embodies your values。 At the end of a semester。
very often the students will put together a song list， they'll burn。
a CD or collect songs on a website that are there signature anthems for what each of the。
means by success。 This can be a really fascinating collection of music because for some people it's a rap。
song for some people， it's a sentimental ballad for some people， it's a ritual song from a。
religion。 So things that renew your energy， songs， symbols for some it's a， I had a student who。
always wore a necklace around his neck and there was a small wooden object that was tied。
as a kind of totem that he carried。 And I asked him what that was about and he said that in high school he had gone to a。
Central American country to work with a village to help them build a school and he'd spent。
the whole summer with this group and they built the school and during the summer he'd。
gotten to know some of the children in the village very well who were going to actually。
use the school。 And one of them had made him this little symbol which was related to the country and an animal。
that is native to the country and had given it to him as a gift and he had decided to。
wear it all the time ever since to remind him of the overarching goal he had in life which。
was to help others in developing countries and to bring opportunities and education to people。
who don't have them。 Now here's a student at the Wharton School obviously surrounded by all kinds of power。
symbols and success status symbols and wealth symbols and the way that he had of reminding。
and renewing his commitment to his own success values was literally to wear it around his。
neck as a way to remember it。 So that can be a very powerful ritual like way to remember。
So whatever it is that works for you personally I have turtles。 I have turtles all over my office。
I have turtles on my briefcase。 I'm very fond of turtles。 That's a symbol because turtles are。
They're long lived。 They are patient。 They are wise。
My wife is very fond of elephants so we have lots of elephants in our home。
Elephants also patient also gentle and very loyal and very family oriented。
So we try to embody our values with little symbols around us。
So success very difficult to understand once you grasp it sometimes difficult to remember。
So these tools would be just talked about。 Each of them may have a different role in your life but a very important exercise is to identify。
them， bring them close to you， cherish them to help you remember who you are and the direction。
that you're going in。 [BLANK_AUDIO]。
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P17：16_我们在哪里.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
So let's take a minute and just pause and see where we are and where we're going。
In the sessions that just came before， we talked about how you can personalize success。 What is。
how to look inside， how to look into the past and find the success values and the。
success capabilities that you have and individualize it for yourself。
So we looked at where your four diamonds can be found and talked about the story of Ali。
Hoffed and the Buddhist Priest。 We looked at a couple of habits that successful people have to persevere。
have resilience and， be willing to be dissatisfied to motivate themselves toward positive change。
And we looked at the various ways， four different ways that you can renew your success values。
identify them， keep them close and remember them as you encounter the turbulence and the。
chaos of ordinary life out there in the world。 From here， we're going to go into a deeper dive。
You may remember at the very beginning of the course， we talked about these two faces， of success。
the two facets， the inner life and the outer life。 And in the next set of sessions。
we're going to be talking about some research findings。
and some complications and we're going to dive deeper into each of those two lives and look。
with a little more detail at what this achievement value really is and what it means and also。
what this happiness inner value is and what that actually means so that you can begin。
to better understand how that balance shifts between those two and sometimes when you're。
deceiving yourself and you may be following or chasing a goal that is more of an illusion。
than it is a goal and when you end up getting whatever it was you were chasing， your puzzle。
as to why it doesn't feel all that good。 So if you understand it better。
you can make wiser choices and that's where we're going， next。 [BLANK_AUDIO]。
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P18：17_成功的科学.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
Welcome back to my office。 It's great to see you。 And I'm very interested and eager to talk to you about a really important subject that is going to allow us to look at what some of the research tells us about these two buckets of success。
the inner life， the outer life， the outer life， focused on achievement， the inner life。
focused on happiness。
I'm a lawyer， so I'm not a social scientist。 I'm a person who has read deeply a philosophy in psychology。
had the privilege of working in an environment that has steeped in social psychology and social science。
And one of the benefits of being at a place like the University of Pennsylvania and the Wharton School is that a tremendous amount of research is done on a lot of the topics that are relevant to the study of success。
Most notably， here at Penn， we have the Positive Psychology Center led by Marty Seligman。
Angela Duckworth， and others who've studied happiness for over a decade。
And I attend their seminars， have the benefit of learning from them about all the different findings that they have come up with。
And then， of course， here at Wharton， quite a number of people study the science of achievement。
And so I've been very privileged to work with Adam Grant。
who's one of our top management professors and his research on giving and originality and creativity。
So while I'm not a scientist， I do have some familiarity with the science of success。
and I want to try to share that with you both because it's interesting， but most importantly。
because it will help you understand better what's really underneath the lid of these two boxes。
the happiness box， the achievement box， and begin seeing how it works and how it sort of better ways to think about these two subjects。
So in my work over the last 10 years studying and teaching about success。
one of the most interesting discoveries that I've made is that a great number of the traditional "How to Succeed" books。
although they weren't based on science， turn out to be validated by modern social science。
In America， I've been， you know， culture preoccupied with success。
The first magazine called Success magazine was published in the late 1800s。
and there are all kinds of people who've written wonderful books in the 20s and 30s that are still sold today。
A couple of them "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie， written in the 1930s。
really underlies the sort of importance of self-esteem to people。
and how to create friendships and mostly friendships of utility， working relationships。
but very effective at communicating how to do that。
Another classic book in the success literature is a book by a guy named Napoleon Hill called "Think and Grow Rich。
" a very provocative title。 But what it's really about is visualization。
believing in yourself what has come to be called mind power as a theory of success。
It turns out that modern cognitive psychology， work of people like Carol Twach。
who's a psychologist at Stanford， has shown that believing in yourself in a certain way。
she calls it the growth mindset。 Absolutely a reliable social science finding about how to amplify your success in life。
And most sports psychology these days， if you look at an Olympics where the athletes are getting ready to go down a hill to go on a slalom for skiing。
you'll watch them。 They'll be at the top of the hill。 They'll have their eyes closed。
They'll be weaving back and forth。 And they're going through the course in their mind。
imagining each turn。 And that's exactly what Napoleon Hill was talking about when he talked about using the mind and the power of the mind to visualize the future for yourself。
So it's an interesting fact that the basic "How to Succeed" books turn out to be much more right than you would have expected。
[BLANK_AUDIO]。
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P19：18_如果你把成功建立在成就上的话会陷入的陷阱.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
The science of success for the most part is about how to achieve success。
And usually it means how to achieve。 And in connection with this course。
we're going to give you an all time hit parade list， of books on how to succeed。
But that's not what this course is about。 This course is about what you mean by the word success。
And so what we're going to do in the next few sessions is talk about how if you base。
success on certain values， what the problems might be， the complications that come from。
hang your hat on one value and not another。 So we're going to start with achievement and then we'll move to happiness。
So what happens if you decide to place all your chips on the board and define success。
as what you achieve？ It seems like that's an obvious thing。
It seems like what most people strive for。 But if it's the case that success is basically equated with achievements。
here's a question， for you。 How come so many high performing people often feel so bad？
Turn out lost families， lost relationships， depression， drugs， people who are obsessively。
oriented toward achievement often end up in some very bad places。
And I think the reason is because they aren't actually combining these two inner and outer。
faces of success。 They've just put all their money on one side。
We had a speaker at the Wharton School some years ago who told a really interesting story。
about a guy who had actually figured this out and reoriented his life in order to achieve。
a new kind of success as he saw it。 And so I wanted to share it with you because I think it kind of summarizes the moment of。
realization that can sometimes come for people when they recognize that they've put too much。
emphasis on one of these buckets of the two buckets of success。
So this fellow was an entrepreneur and he ran a very big set of businesses in the American。
southeast down in Georgia and South Carolina。 And when his firm was small。
he had used a lawyer from Atlanta as an outside lawyer。
a lawyer that worked at a law firm to help him set up the business。 And as the firm grew。
he finally came to a point where he realized he needed a lawyer。
to come and work with him full time as an inside lawyer。
So he went to his friend at the Atlanta law firm and said， "Could you suggest someone。
that we can use to be our inside lawyer？"， And the guy said， "Well， let me give you some thought。
I'll get back to you。"， So a couple of days later。
the lawyer from Atlanta shows back up in the entrepreneur's， office and says。
"I found just the perfect person to be your inside lawyer。"， And the entrepreneur said， "Well。
who is it？"， And he said， "Me， I'm going to do it。"， And the entrepreneur said， "Well。
I can't possibly pay you what you're getting at the， law firm。 You know， just forget about it。"。
And the lawyer said， "I don't care what you pay me。 I'll take whatever you give me。
I want to work with you。"， And the entrepreneur said， "Well， why would you want to do that？"。
And he said， "Well， after you ask that question， I went back home and I started thinking， about it。
And here's what I concluded。 He said， "I worked my butt off in high school to get into a great college and I worked。
my butt off in college to get into a great law school。
And then I worked my butt off in law school to get into a great law firm。
And now I've worked my butt off at this law firm to get to be a partner。"。
And I suddenly realized that I've just been in this great big pie eating contest and I。
keep winning and every time I win， the prize is always the same and the prize is always， more pie。
And he said， "I'm tired of eating pie。 I want to join you。
build your company and have a little fun doing what I love to do。"。
And so the entrepreneur hired him and the first day of work， this guy shows up。
He's dressed in a Hawaiian shirt， ready to go。 Still the great lawyer he was before but with a whole new attitude about how he was working。
and why he was。 So achievements can have that circularity。 If you don't know what's going on。
you end up just repeating cycles like going around， a merry-go-round。
Just achieving whatever somebody said is the success that you're striving for， a degree。
a status job。 But at the end of the day， if that's all that's going on。
you're just going to end up eating， more pie and it's not going to be very satisfying。
[BLANK_AUDIO]。
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P2：1_如何使用本课程.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
This course is going to be a little different than some of the other traditional business。
school courses that involve analytic skills or leadership methodologies because this。
course is almost entirely about you。 And you are the best judge of where you are with the questions that the course is going。
to address。 And so one way to take this course and use it would be to just simply look down the。
list of topics for the different sessions and weeks and click on one that looks like。
it's especially interesting or timely for you。 And just jump right in in the middle and then sample a few and begin to get a sense for。
the relevance of the material that we'll be talking through and how you can connect to， it。
You may want to start at the beginning and work for a while on the materials in the order。
that we put it。 But then jump to the end you may find that you have some urgent questions about something。
like meaningful work or career。 And so go ahead and feel free to click on the parts that have relevance to that question。
and you can always come back and get to the other parts another time。
Or finally we've made this course so that it's a coherent structured experience from。
beginning to end。 And if you simply start at the beginning and work your way through to the end I think you'll。
find that the topics build on one another， that they're related in a sequence that makes。
sense and you'll find it rewarding to take it in a traditional way just the way you might。
take a course on another subject。 So I hope you'll feel free to use the course the way it works best for you because as I。
said this course is really about you。 [BLANK_AUDIO]。
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P20：19_基于成就的成功需要担心的四个理由.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
So there are four reasons that you might find problems。
If you base your theory of success entirely on achievement。
The first one is that all achievement is relative。 And we see that a lot here。
Wharton High School students who have been top students in their high schools come here for their undergraduate studies。
And all of a sudden they discover that they are with a sea of people who are all valedictorians or got perfect SATs or whatever。
And they suddenly don't look like they've achieved much at all。
One of my favorite quotes that sort of sums up this problem when you apply it to your regular life and career。
comes from H。L。 Mecken who's an American humorist who once said that wealth is any income that is more than one's wife's sisters。
And this is the great story of keeping up with the Joneses in suburban America。
If you base your sort of sense of self worth on the achievement there's always going to be somebody who's achieved more。
Has a better car， a bigger house， more money in their bank account。
takes a better vacation or whatever it is that you're measuring by。
So be careful of the theory of relativity as applied to achievement。
The chances are that that's not going to be a very stable way to measure your successful life。
The second problem is that very talented people often pick the wrong pond。
Now what do I mean by that？ I mean your sense of success because it's relative is going to be measured。
You're going to measure it by how you stand with respect to the people that you're surrounded by。
And if you pick your pond poorly and you're surrounded by people that you think are outperforming you and there's no way that you can catch up。
Then you're no longer going to feel very successful。
In fact gradually you could easily become depressed。
Again here at Penn that happens to some of our students。
They suddenly find themselves with all these other high performing high school students。
The first semester takes place。 They don't do as well in their classes as they were able to do in high school because in high school they were always the top person and almost took no effort at all。
Here they find themselves getting seized in their first semester courses。
The self-esteem hit that they take is so powerful that they check out。
They think they can't win so they stop playing。 And of course as soon as they stop playing they have no chances to win。
And so they end up going through college in a very mediocre way。
They get involved in other activities but their academic performance is very substandard。
That then affects their ability to go to grad school and other options that might come。
And it's really simple if they had picked a different pond instead of a giant Ivy League college and they'd picked maybe a smaller college where they'd get more attention where they would stand out a little more。
Their options for the future would be the same。 There are many many very great smaller institutions that students can go to。
And then they would feel like they were in the right pond。 A little bigger fish。
a little smaller pond and their confidence would remain high。
Their performance would be inspired and they would be motivated。
So sometimes people think they don't get to choose。 The pond is the pond they get。
But I think that's absolutely wrong。 I think if you're worried about your own success values。
if you're thinking about what you really want to achieve and how your life ought to work and how to balance happiness and achievement。
Picking your pond is a pretty important choice because you're going to feel more satisfaction when the pond's the right size than you are by just always chasing the most prestigious pond as you see it to be in and then feeling miserable once you're in it。
So that's our second problem。 You've got to pick the right pond and people often pick the wrong one。
The third one is that sometimes achievers are essentially compulsive。 They only know how to achieve。
They are driven by greed to establish more wealth， pride to establish more power or importance。
control over others and they can never get enough。
So no matter every day they wake up and they are driven once again by the same insatiable motivations to accumulate more to have more influence and to feel better about themselves。
So there's a name for these people。 I spent some time in Asia。
I studied at some Buddhist monasteries and I was taught there about a very。
very sad creature in Buddhist mythology that called a hungry ghost。
And a hungry ghost is someone who in their lives has given way to all their appetites。
They've been insatiable in their quest for satisfying their appetites for power， money。
status and admiration and so on。 And when these people die， they are reborn as a hungry ghost。
And a hungry ghost is someone， a being in the spirit world that has a body the size of an elephant。
a huge body and a mouth the size of the head of a pin。 So throughout all of eternity。
their endless quest is to quench this awful aching hunger because they can never eat enough to feel even the least bit satisfied that they've filled themselves。
And so in the Buddhism scheme of things， their reincarnation into this awful eternity of hunger comes from having spent their lives in the life that we're living。
Again， on an endless quest to satisfy appetites that can't be satisfied。
So if you see any hungry ghosts in your world， that could be a boss that can't feel too important or it could be someone you know who's always craving more and more attention or someone else who is always in the throes of trying to get more status or more money and just can never stop and they're stepping all over the people around them to get there。
Instead of feeling jealous， I suggest you feel pity because these are hungry ghosts walking around in our own midst and life is going to come and go for them and they're always going to be unsatisfied。
So that's a second trap that people can fall into。
The fourth reason that putting all of your success values on achievement can be a problem is if you wake up one day and realize that you haven't been achieving any goals that you set for yourself。
but you've been achieving goals that other people set for you and you weren't even aware of it。
This can happen when someone is striving to get the approval of their family。
a father or mother who always wanted them to be a doctor and they go through all the trouble of going through medical school and then they wake up one day and they wonder why they're a doctor。
They don't even like it very much and it turns out they're just trying to please a parent。
It could be that they are in a relationship with a mentor who gives them a goal and they stop thinking about whether it's really the right goal for them and just try to please the mentor。
When I was in college， I had the great good fortune to be tutored by a novelist。
a guy named Anthony Burgess。 He wrote A Clockwork Orange。
which became a famous movie and was a famous British novelist。 In the course of our tutorial。
it was just me and five other students in this semester on course， he gave me an assignment。
He said， "You want to learn to write？ You should write some verse dramas。"， I went verse dramas。
Then he said， "You can base them on short stories。"。
I had to come back the next week and tell him what short stories I was going to write in verse as plays。
Very complicated assignment。 I ended up writing my senior thesis in college was a couple of plays that were in verse。
They were based on stories by James Joyce and it was just an enormous problem。 Here's the thing。
I can see now that I got some value out of that exercise。 But at the time， it took me months。
literally months of work to craft these things and get them into shape so that I could have my senior thesis。
I had my senior thesis approved。 At the end of it， I felt completely empty。 No satisfaction。
no fulfillment， nothing， just exhaustion。 I think that's what happens sometimes when you're achieving someone else's goal and you're not really aware of the reason why you're doing it for yourself。
We have a video that I want to share with you of Steve Jobs， the founder of Apple。
co-founder of Apple computers。 It's a speech he gave at Stanford University。
a graduation speech in 2005。 In this speech， if you listen carefully。
you're going to discover that Steve Jobs， one of the principal pieces of advice that he gave to the graduates and that he himself lived in his own life。
was to stop achieving other people's goals and to begin to formulate and set on a journey to achieving ones that you yourself have set。
[applause]， Thank you。 I'm honored to be with you today for your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world。
Truth be told， I never graduated from college， and this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation。
Today， I want to tell you three stories from my life。 That's it。 No big deal。 Just three stories。
The first story is about connecting the dots。 I dropped out of Reed College after the first six months。
but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit。
So why'd I drop out？ It started before I was born。 My biological mother was a young。
unwed graduate student， and she decided to put me up for adoption。
She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates。
so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife。
Except that when I popped out， they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl。
So my parents， who were on a waiting list， got a call in the middle of the night asking。
"We've got an unexpected baby boy。 Do you want him？"， They said， "Of course。"。
My biological mother found out later that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school。
She refused to sign the final adoption papers。 She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would go to college。
This was the start in my life。 And 17 years later， I did go to college。
But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford。
And all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition。
After six months， I couldn't see the value in it。 I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out。
And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life。
So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out okay。 It was pretty scary at the time。
but looking back， it was one of the best decisions I ever made。 The minute I dropped out。
I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me and begin dropping in on the ones that looked far more interesting。
It wasn't all romantic。 I didn't have a dorm room， so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms。
I returned Coke bottles for the five-cent deposits to buy food with。
And I would walk the seven miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna Temple。
I loved it。 And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on。
Let me give you one example。 Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country。
Throughout the campus， every poster， every label on every drawer was beautifully hand-caligraphed。
Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes。
I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this。
I learned about serif and sans serif typefaces， about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations。
about what makes great typography great。 It was beautiful， historical。
artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture。 And I found it fascinating。
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life。 But ten years later。
when we were designing the first Macintosh computer， it all came back to me。
And we designed it all into the Mac。 It was the first computer with beautiful typography。
If I had never dropped in on that single course in college。
the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts。
And since Windows just copied the Mac， it's likely that no personal computer would have them。
[Applause]， If I had never dropped out， I would have never dropped in on that calligraphy class。
And personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do。 Of course。
it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college。 But it was very。
very clear looking backwards ten years later。 Again， you can't connect the dots looking forward。
You can only connect them looking backwards。 So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future。
You have to trust in something， your gut， destiny， life， karma， whatever。
Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart。
even when it leads you off the well-worn path。 And that will make all the difference。 [Applause]。
My second story is about love and loss。 I was lucky。 I found what I love to do early in life。
Was and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was twenty。 We worked hard， and in ten years。
Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage。
into a two billion dollar company with over four thousand employees。
We just released our finest creation， the Macintosh， a year earlier， and I just turned thirty。
And then I got fired。 How can you get fired from a company you started？ Well， as Apple grew。
we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me。
And for the first year or so， things went well。 But then our visions of the future began to diverge。
and eventually we had a falling out。 When we did， our board of directors sided with him。
And so at thirty， I was out， and very publicly out。
What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone， and it was devastating。
I really didn't know what to do for a few months。 I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down。
that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me。 I met with David Packard and Bob Nois。
and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly。 I was a very public failure。
and I even thought about running away from the valley。 But something slowly began to dawn on me。
I still loved what I did。 The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit。
I'd been rejected， but I was still in love。 And so I decided to start over。 I didn't see it then。
but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me。
The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again。
less sure about everything。 It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life。
During the next five years， I started a company named Next， another company named Pixar。
and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife。
Pixar went on to create the world's first computer animated feature film， Toy Story。
and is now the most successful animation studio in the world。 In a remarkable turn of events。
Apple bought Next， and I returned to Apple， and the technology we developed at Next is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance。
And Lorin and I have a wonderful family together。 I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple。
It was awful tasting medicine， but I guess the patient needed it。
Sometimes life is going to hit you in the head with a brick。 Don't lose faith。
I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did。
You've got to find what you love， and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers。
Your work is going to fill a large part of your life。
and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work。
And the only way to do great work is to love what you do。 If you haven't found it yet， keep looking。
and don't settle。 As with all matters of the heart， you'll know when you find it。
And like any great relationship， it just gets better and better as the years roll on。
So keep looking， don't settle。 My third story is about death。 When I was 17。
I read a quote that went something like， "If you live each day as if it was your last。
someday you'll most certainly be right。"， It made an impression on me， and since then。
for the past 33 years， I've looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself。
"If today were the last day of my life， would I want to do what I am about to do today？"。
And whenever the answer has been no， for too many days in a row， I know I need to change something。
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered。
to help me make the big choices in life。 Because almost everything， all external expectations。
all pride， all fear of embarrassment or failure， these things just fall away in the face of death。
leaving only what is truly important。 Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking。
you have something to lose。 You are already naked。 There is no reason not to follow your heart。
About a year ago， I was diagnosed with cancer。 I had a scan at 7。30 in the morning。
and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas。 I didn't even know what a pancreas was。
The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable。
and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months。
My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order。
which is doctor's code for prepare to die。 It means to try and tell your kids everything。
You thought you'd have the next ten years to tell them in just a few months。
It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family。
It means to say your goodbyes。 I live with that diagnosis all day。 Later that evening。
I had a biopsy where they stuck an endoscope down my throat。
through my stomach and into my intestines， put a needle into my pancreas。
and got a few cells from the tumor。 I was sedated。
but my wife who was there told me that when they viewed the cells， under a microscope。
the doctor started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form。
of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery。 I had the surgery and thankfully I'm fine now。
(Applause)， This was the closest I've been to facing death。
and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades。 Having lived through it。
I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty。
than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept。 No one wants to die。
Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there。 And yet。
death is the destination we all share。 No one has ever escaped it。
And that is as it should be because death is very likely the single best invention of life。
It's life's change agent。 It clears out the old to make way for the new。 Right now， the new is you。
But someday not too long from now， you will gradually become the old and be cleared away。
Sorry to be so dramatic， but it's quite true。 Your time is limited。
so don't waste it living someone else's life。 Don't be trapped by dogma。
which is living with the results of other people's thinking。
Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice。 And most important。
have the courage to follow your heart and intuition。
They somehow already know what you truly want to become。 Everything else is secondary。
When I was young， there was an amazing publication called the Whole Earth Catalog。
which was one of the Bibles of my generation。 It was created by a fellow named Stuart Brand。
not far from here in Menlo Park。 And he brought it to life with his poetic touch。
This was in the late 60s， before personal computers and desktop publishing。
So it was all made with typewriters， scissors， and Polaroid cameras。
It was sort of like Google and paperback form 35 years before Google came along。 It was idealistic。
overflowing with neat tools， and great notions。 Stuart and his team put out several issues of the Whole Earth Catalog。
And then， when it had run its course， they put out a final issue。 It was the mid-1970s。
and I was your age。 On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road。
the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous。
Beneath it were the words， "Stay hungry， stay foolish。"。
It was their farewell message as they signed off， "Stay hungry， stay foolish。"。
And I have always wished that for myself。 And now， as you graduate to begin anew。
I wish that for you。 Stay hungry， stay foolish。 Thank you all very much。 [applause]。
So that's the fourth and final trap that can happen if you put all your success chips。
on the achievement side of the success values。 [BLANK_AUDIO]。
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P21：20_成功等于幸福吗.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
So with the traps that I've just outlined for what can happen if you put your chips。
on the achievement number on the Wheel of Fortune， I want to conclude by giving you some。
positive advice because there certainly are things well worth achieving。
I think you just have to reframe and reset what it is you're shooting for and you'll。
find it much more sustainable when you're going for a worthy kind of achievement。 So for example。
instead of untold wealth， seek financial security。
Look for the amount of wealth that will give security to your family， to yourself， so。
that you can lead a fulfilling life。 Instead of fame， seek respect。
Seek people who know you well enough and who are real judges of whether you're excellent。
at what you do and can help you get better at it。 Basically fame is being known by a lot of people who have very little knowledge of what。
you are and who you are。 Respect comes from an inner circle that have reasons to judge you in a positive way。
And so keeping your goal on the search for respect is more likely to lead you in a better。
direction。 Outside of status， worry about finding roles in the lives of others that gives you a chance。
to contribute to them。 It could be the role of father， it could be the role of mother。
it could be the role of， mentor， it could be the role of leader。
but instead of getting fixated on a title， you， know， chief financial officer。
ask yourself what are the actual roles that you're playing。
in the lives of the people around you in the organization and tend to maximize on those。
roles that will focus you on the contributions you're making。 And instead of。
and these days this is a really tempting one， instead of a vast social network。
that follows you on Twitter or is， you know， the number of people that you have on your。
Facebook page， very relatively shallow relationships based on very little。
very episodic information。 Make more true friends， friends who you can see， touch， know。
feel and who can affect you， and you can affect them and you're part of their lives。
And at the end of the day， maybe some of those will turn into the Friends of Virtue we talked。
about that Aristotle thought so much of。 So not wealth， financial security。
not fame and recognition， but rather respect。 Not status。
but the worthy roles you play in the lives of others and not shallow and numerous， relationships。
but deeper and fewer true friends。 So if we're going to leave achievement behind for a moment and anchor on the other side of。
success， the inner life， let's just see whether when you really begin to think about happiness。
that's really got all the answers in it or if that turns out to be a little complicated， as well。
And I'm trying to complicate this not to make your life difficult。
I'm trying to complicate it because if you have the wrong understanding of what happiness。
is or what achievement means， then you'll chase the wrong goal and you'll end up being。
unsatisfied by the kind of success that you've achieved。 So we're looking here for the real deal。
the success that feels deeply satisfying。 Okay， so what about happiness？ Well， again。
I've been privileged to be here at the University of Pennsylvania。
I've been in a relationship and interaction with our Positive Psychology Center。
They are a discipline social scientist who study happiness all over the world and have。
programs and projects that they are funded to measure happiness in many different ways。
What they've concluded is that there's more than one kind of happiness and that it's， funny。
you know， the the the Inuit people who are the people， the native people of Alaska。
live a life that's surrounded by cold weather and they have many， many names for what we。
call ice because in their world there are many different kinds of ice and they mean。
different things and they have different roles in the lives of the Inuit people。
In the United States， in Western Europe， in Western countries， we make a lot of this。
word happiness。 It's in the Declaration of Independence that we're supposed to pursue happiness。
But this one word can often be very confusing and people think they're chasing one thing。
and they don't get it， they think there's something wrong。
So I think it's important to at least think about three different kinds of happiness and。
the research helps us think about this。 If you want to read some more about these some of these forms of happiness。
Daniel Kahneman， a Nobel Prize winning psychologist from Princeton has a wonderful book called Thinking Fast and。
Slow has a chapter or two on happiness that distills a lot of this research into a pretty。
efficient capsule but we're going to talk about it a little bit here。
So the first kind of happiness that most people think about when they think about the word。
is what I call momentary happiness。 Now momentary happiness is an emotion。 It's a mood。
It's a moment that comes and where you're having a positive feeling。
A good example might be you are at the beach。 It's been a pretty hot day。 You go to the boardwalk。
There's a soft serve ice cream vendor there。 They have your favorite flavor。 You get into the shade。
You've ordered your soft serve ice cream。 It's dipped in whatever it is that you love as a little covering chocolate or strawberry。
or something and you have that first bite of that ice cream cone and it just tastes wonderful。
That's momentary happiness。 Could be the same thing if you're a fan of drinking beer and it's the same kind of day。
and they have the favorite beer that you like and you take that first sip of whatever the。
drink is that you find most enjoyable and it just fills you with this feeling of happiness。
So momentary happiness is great。 I think the more of it you have the better your days are but there's some problems with。
momentary happiness as a measure of success in life。
So research says that there are genetic set points that people have that go into their。
emotional makeups and some people are kind of positive people and some people are less。
positive and some people are kind of negative people。
And your mood state swings on a given day or during a given period of time sort of above。
that genetic set point when you take that first bite of the ice cream cone but then somewhere。
a little later dips below that set point as you begin feeling really hot and sweaty on。
the beach and you wish that the sun weren't so bright and now you're not in such a happy。
mood state。 Maybe somebody comes along a dog comes along and puts sand in your drink on the beach and。
now you're really kind of upset and angry with somebody。
So your genetic set point just tells you whoops going down here but it is arranged and。
chances are you're not going to have too many moments when you're above the highest point。
of that range。 You're not going to have too many moments when you're below the low point of that range。
And my range is different than yours。 My best day may be just in the average domain for your day and you get to be a lot happier。
than me because your genetic set point is different。 So if happiness of this kind。
this sort of aggregate number of mood states is set by， our genes。
it seems sort of unfair to say that you're more successful than me because。
you have more positive mood states than I do because you're endowed with a different。
set of genes than I was。 So there's the problem of kind of no free will when it comes to how many happiness moments。
you get and it seems like success ought to have something to do with choices we make。
And there are a lot of pretty intelligent people who have thought about the question of happiness。
and kind of come to the conclusion that these positive momentary mood states really don't。
rise to the level of kind of nobility or purpose that you would want in a theory of success。
Albert Einstein once said that a theory of success that's built on momentary mood states。
was more like the happiness of a cow than something that humans ought to endorse because。
if you kind of go by a farm and look out at a herd of cattle they're happily grazing， out there。
They're， you know， in the sun they're well watered， they're well fed， everything's good。 Well。
you have a pretty happy cow。 But would you really say that that's a successful life that would be something you would be。
satisfied with at the end of your days？ I'm not sure。 So positive mood states， good。
But this is the only form of happiness that you might call success， maybe not。
So second kind of happiness and this again is research based。 By the way。
the way they measure momentary happiness is with little beepers they put， on people。
They'll put a little beeper like a cell phone or a clip and you walk around during the day。
and the experimenters beep you and at the moment they beep you you have to take off。
the little device and you know put where how you feel you know excellent， bad， terrible。
and you just put the moment when you feel it and at the end of a week they measure how。
many positive moments you have and that's how they decide whether you're happy or not。
So that's the momentary happiness。 Now we go to the second one and I call this overall happiness。
And overall happiness is not an emotion。 It's a thought。 It's an evaluation。 It's a critique。
But you may reach a point either a progression in part of your life or an anticipation of。
another part of your life and look back if you're looking backwards at say your college。
experience and someone asks you were you happy in college and you don't know whether you。
can really add up all the positive mood stays but for some reason you feel like yeah you。
know important things happen。 I met my spouse in college。
I you know I graduated and so yeah overall I was happy in college。
But actually if you go back and you had that beeper all the way through college you would。
find as often as not that you are much more miserable in college than you remember and。
you only really remember the peak the day you met your spouse to be and the ending which。
was the graduation ceremony when your family came and everybody applauded you and it was。
a great moment you got a prize。 And all the rest of it that whole miserable sophomore year all the hangovers and other。
disasters that occurred that made you miserable pretty much fade out of you and just you know。
disappear into the past。 So overall happiness is a moment in time when you evaluate but not always accurate。
In fact the research seems to show that if you give someone a cookie or some other thing。
that they like and they put them in a positive momentary mood state their memories of the。
past might actually be colored by the fact that they're in a good mood and they'll rate。
their overall happiness higher and if you put them in a negative mood state their memories。
will cast back and select out more negative things and their overall happiness might be。
a little bit lower。 So it's not that hard to manipulate。
So we have the problem of selected memory we have the problem of easy manipulation and。
you know it's all there's always a fundamental problem with any evaluation and that is it's。
always relative to some baseline expectation。 So if you thought college was going to be miserable and it turned out to be okay that's。
going to give you a feeling that you're happy。 If you thought college was going to be wonderful and it turned out to be okay then you're going。
to evaluate it more negatively。 So your overall experience is going to be cast in a frame manipulatable by what your expectations。
were。 And so again it's just a cognitive phenomenon almost a paradox that we can think about the。
past and even the future in our anticipation differently depending on what our moods are。
what our evaluative criteria are and that's all very interesting as a matter of sort of。
cognitive psychology。 My challenge to you is is this really the way you want to measure success is it just going。
to be all about some moment in time when you say my overall happiness was X at time past。
or I anticipated to be Y in time future and it seems like that's a pretty flimsy read to。
place the weight of your meaning in life on。 So overall happiness interesting probably helps you get motivated and helps you tell。
stories but not necessarily the final story about how you measure success。
So the third kind of happiness is something quite different than both momentary happiness。
and overall happiness。 Like momentary happiness it's an emotion but unlike momentary happiness it has a lot more。
resonance it has a lot more depth a lot more meaning associated with it than eating ice。
cream con does on the hot summer day。 I call this deep happiness but it comes with a lot of different names that people have。
tried to give to it over the thousands of years that humans have tried to grapple with。
the meaning of success。 Certainly one word in English that might have captured this is joy。
Joy is sort of the exaltation that you feel say on the birth of a one of your first child。
or one of your children it might be a kind of feeling of connection when you are in an。
amazing place in nature and you simply feel the awe and the inspiration of the vista that's。
in front of you。 It could be the feelings that you have when you fall in love and you just have this mysterious。
new amazing feeling of connection and depth to the relationship that suddenly blossomed。
So joy is a good word that might capture it。 The Greeks had a word for this called Yuday Mania it translates from the Greek as good spirit。
and Aristotle wrote about it in his book on ethics and it's an interesting Greek concept。
because it's not a state for them it's not an emotion for the Greeks it was a kind of thriving。
kind of flourishing a kind of activity in which your excellence is embodied in an activity。
that gives meaning to those around you and that is an end of itself。
You're doing it because you love doing it you're not doing it for any other purpose。
So Yuday Mania is a Greek word that captures this sort of thriving sense that I think deep。
happiness may be about。 There's a Hebrew word one of my students pointed this out to me one semester Simka is a Hebrew。
word that normally is more like momentary happiness it's a happiness that might be the。
case if you're celebrating a wedding or a birth but there was a rabbi that defined it。
especially in a way that I resonated with and he translated as the feeling that comes。
when you're doing what you should be doing the feeling that comes when you're doing what。
you should be doing。 So this might be the kind of feeling when you're sitting with someone and you're comforting。
them or you're being with them when they're in the hospital with an illness and your presence。
has given them a moment of relief from the suffering that they're feeling。
I had a student once who came to me and he said he was going to have to miss the next。
class because his grandfather died and he had been asked by the family to speak at his。
grandfather's funeral and so this always is a good excuse in my world for not being able。
to come to classes an event like that but we were talking about how he felt about it。
and he felt nervous he felt the sadness that his grandfather who he was close to had passed。
but I predicted for him I said when you're at this funeral and you're speaking about your。
grandfather I think you're going to have a moment of something like deep happiness because。
you're going to be doing what you should be doing there won't be any other place on the。
planet that you shouldn't be more than that place at that time。
So this very special definition of Srimca might be another definition of deep happiness。
and then the positive psychology community scholar named Chixin Lehi has come up with。
a concept called flow written a book called flow and flow might be another dimension of。
this flow is the feeling that comes when you're engaged with an activity you're absorbed。
in it it may be the feeling that sometimes comes to runners when they kind of go into。
the zone happens to me sometimes when I'm writing and I just lose track of time and completely。
absorbed in the words and where they're coming from where they're going what I'm saying and。
time just stops you wake up an hour later and you're not even a wow what where was I what。
was going on and that sense of engagement is also very important maybe component of this。
thought what deep happiness means this feeling。 So so this seems like a worthy thing to be identifying with success certainly the more。
moments of thriving joy being where you should be a flow that your life has you'd count that。
as a part of your definition of success but here's the problem are these moments really。
moments you can engineer are they moments that you can create or seek and kind of wake。
up in the morning and say I think I'm going to go find a little deep happiness today I。
don't think so I think these are much more moments of grace and what I give to us and。
often the most important thing is to be slowed down enough to experience them Nathaniel Hawthorne。
the American writer had a wonderful image for this he said if you try to catch a butterfly。
with your hands it's very difficult but if you'll just sit still sometimes a butterfly。
will come and light on your shoulder and I think that's the case with deep happiness。
sometimes if you just sit still and bring awareness to a moment that's when deep happiness。
visits you and it's not really something that you can pursue in the same way Thomas Jefferson。
might have been thinking about when he told us that our constitution would allow us to。
pursue happiness so so happiness turns out to be a little more complicated than just one。
thing so let's conclude our discussion of happiness as a success factor by just looking。
at a few of the things we think we know about what happiness is and what its importance。
is based on the research and as I said there's extensive research on this so and Daniel Kahneman's。
book thinking fast and slow he makes this point really powerfully and it's really kind of simple。
what matters most to your happiness is spending time with people you love who love you being。
surrounded by the community of people who care the most about you who you care the most about。
is just more likely to end up giving you more of all three of the kinds of happiness we talked。
about it's not always happy it's not that being around people you love who love you is a bit。
of roses all the time but that odds are very high that those moments will contain the moments。
of your most happiness so that's item number one spend time with the people you love who。
love you never underestimate the importance of that to your overall success secondly it。
turns out happiness much more often comes from experiences especially experiences you share。
with others than from material objects and you know oddly the experience of shopping for。
something that you're going to purchase with your loved one or your spouse and bring back。
and bring into the home as one of the decorations may actually be the shopping experience itself。
the choice the decision the variety of things you looked at what was happening around you。
when you chose that those actually sometimes become more important than the object itself。
so when it's sitting in your home it's not the fact that the object is there it's the story。
behind the object that gives it meaning and that brings happiness so think experiences。
more than material goods third it often comes from your willingness to be unhappy in the。
pursuit of certain goals that are long term goals or difficult goals you think of an Olympic。
athlete or someone trying to get through a four-year college experience or a graduate。
program these are difficult long term commitments to a set of activities many of which are going。
to task you going to require sacrifices they're going to mean you'd have to take risks there。
are uncertainties you may or may not achieve the goals you may have setbacks lots of effort。
is going to be required for you to drill and practice and I exert efforts that aren't always。
the happiest moments of your life but the reward for having been willing to endure some level。
of unhappiness turns out to be a much deeper and more satisfying happiness when you finally。
come to achieve those goals when you come to the moments where there's a fulfillment of。
whatever those efforts were directed toward so if you only see happiness and unhappiness。
is your enemy the chances are pretty high that you're not going to risk the effort that。
it's going to take because there's some unhappiness built in there and you're trying to avoid that。
and then that just simply means that you're not going to have the depth of satisfaction。
and fulfillment that could be yours if you didn't think so simplistically about happiness。
good unhappiness bad that's much more interesting than that and I think your judgments and decisions。
will be wiser if you consider the role of happiness unhappiness effort uncertainty in your overall。
life satisfaction the fourth and final thing that we know about happiness is that you can。
reframe your emotions by the way you set your own expectations and bring more happiness into。
your life by having expectations more realistically set than simply being over the top with expectations。
that a certain party or a certain event in the future is going to bring the answer to。
all your life's woes and and travails and and and moderate a little and when your expectations。
are set in a more accurate way the actual experience that comes either meets or exceeds。
them more often and then that becomes a moment where your emotions fall in line with a positive。
set of emotions about what's happening instead of disappointment you know didn't meet my expectations。
not as good as I expected and then you're filled with negative emotions so in this part。
of the course we looked at the two sides of happiness the inner life and the outer life。
the inner life of happiness and the outer life of achievement and looked at some of the complications。
that become apparent when you start looking a little more carefully at each of these as。
a component of your theory of success it turns out that when it comes to achievement it's。
easy to fall into one of several traps and end up achieving things that don't bring any。
fulfillment or satisfaction chasing other people's goals chasing a kind of obsessive form of。
achievement that never brings satisfaction and then on the happiness side we turn turns。
out that there's more than one form of happiness and that this single word carries some very。
different meanings and it's very important for you to articulate for yourself what it。
is you actually are thinking about when you say I want a life that's going to bring more。
happiness could be momentary happiness this concept of overall happiness and then this。
mysterious but very important feeling of deep happiness so with all this new understanding。
in the next part and the final part of the course we're going to look at how you can apply this。
knowledge that we've gained and your own experiences and memories that you've accessed to begin。
thinking about a success for yourself in a very concrete very actionable way thinking。
about how you can apply these tools what are some steps you can take to make them concrete。
so that you can begin advancing toward the values that you've identified in our work together。
[BLANK_AUDIO]。
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P22：21_把一切结合起来.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
It's great to have you back here in my office at the Wharton School in Philadelphia。
This is our final set of topics。 We began this course and journey together looking at your success values as you've inherited。
them。 We did something called the Six Lives exercise。
You've got a chance to choose six different vignettes which life was more or less successful。
We talked about the sources of those values， your families， culture， and the problem of。
separating yourself from those assumptions so that you can gain perspective and begin。
to take control over the values that you're motivated by so that you can put them in front。
of you and make choices about them。 We then looked at how to particularize and individualize your search for success。
thinking， about your capabilities， thinking about the habits that you have acquired over the years。
that allow you to get up when you fall， that allow you to process and get motivated by。
dissatisfaction， by moments when you think you could improve。
Then in the last session we talked about digging deeper into the two dimensions of success。
the inner life， happiness and the outer life achievement and dug deeper into the actual。
content of what those two aspects of our lives mean and how they can sometimes be disappointing。
if you think about them in proper way but can help to have a clear understanding so you。
know and how to interpret your own experience。 In this final session， this final set of sessions。
we're going to be working toward how you， can take a measure of where you are now in your journey and begin charting out what lies。
ahead， what are the next steps， what is the destination that you're shooting for， what。
are the ways that you might begin making steps in that direction。
So I think we're ready to get right to work。 I have another assessment。
another little puzzle for you to solve。 So if you could take a look at the three by three matrix that is going to be on your。
screen， I'm going to challenge you to take a look at those nine cells and decide where。
you are on that three by three matrix where the vertical dimension is your achievement。
and the horizontal dimension is your happiness and just take it right where you are right， now。
Take this as a like New Year's Eve moment and you're trying to just assess what your current。
life situation is。 Is your perception of your achievement level low， medium or high？
Is your perception of your happiness level low， medium or high？
And take a second and kind of put a dot on one of those nine cells。
I've done this exercise with lots and lots of different people and come to some very interesting。
conclusions based on their testimony as to why they've put a particular dot in a particular， cell。
So I just want to talk you through how that works and what people are thinking when they。
identify themselves in one of those for a second and then we'll push on。 Thank you。 [BLANK_AUDIO]。
沃顿商学院《实现个人和职业成功（成功、沟通能力、影响力）｜Achieving Personal and Professional Success》中英字幕 - P23：22_分析矩阵.zh_en - GPT中英字幕课程资源 - BV1VH4y1J7Zk
As with all of our assessments and mind puzzles， this one has no right answers， so it's really。
designed to help you elicit what your current perceptions are， what your inner world looks， like。
To help you get a benchmark on where you are today with respect to these two dimensions， of success。
the inner life and the outer life， we've got a matrix that has nine cells and。
it's on two dimensions。 There's the happiness dimension that's going across horizontally and then the achievement。
dimension which is going vertically up and down。 You'll notice that each of the cells has a number。
Reading from left to right as happiness moves from highest level to lowest， the top row， is one。
two， three which is high levels of achievement but diminishing levels of happiness。
And if you go to the other side and you see high levels of happiness but diminishing levels。
of achievement， cells one， four and seven。 And then the other cells sort of fill in the background in between four different moderate。
levels of happiness and so on。 So what I do is I give my students and executives this cell。
these nine cells and say just today， summarizing where you think you are at this moment。
take a pen and just put a dot in one， of these cells that allows you to just sort of take a weight point on where you are in。
your life and people have different perceptions and they put their dots and then it gives them。
a chance to assess sort of what's working， what maybe needs improvement。
I'll say that in general the cells at the outside， three， six， nine， eight and seven right。
on the outer dimension there are the ones that get populated the least。
So in a moment I'm going to tell you a couple of stories about some people who put their。
dot in cell number three。 But most people end up in cells one， two。
four or five and probably the most commonly， populated one is cell five。
the one right in the middle where it's a moderate level of。
happiness and a moderate level of achievement。 So just to give you a couple of quick hits on those cells。
people who put their mark in， cell number one usually are feeling very。
very positive about their lives and sometimes feel。
that they need to have a high perception of happiness and high perception of achievement。
because it sort of expresses their positive personality and their positive mental attitude。
about their overall approach to life。 So it isn't。
they actually never leave cell one every day they wake up and they somehow。
manage to conceive of their situation as a cell one life。
Other people see that as very one dimensional and put their dots in either cell two or cell， four。
the moderate happiness or the moderate achievement。
In order to motivate themselves toward moving forward on some dimension of their life whether。
it's the next step in their career or the next invention they're trying to create or。
they're looking forward to when their child achieves something that they're all hoping。
for and their happiness level will move up or that they have some new set of relationships。
in their community that are on the cusp of developing in some positive way。
So they look at aspirationally at moving one or the other of these two dimensions as the。
next stage of their efforts。 The people in Group 5 and cell 5 are basically satisfied and interested in moving in any direction。
And it's an interesting place to be because when you are in that medium place in both。
sides it's a little harder to identify which of the two areas the inner or the outer life。
needs to be addressed and what priority。 So if you're in that cell you might just ask yourself which end of the box are you in？
Are you in the box？ Are you a little closer to the top of that box？
A little closer to the left of that box。 To again kind of give you a sense of priorities over what your next steps ought to be。
Should they be steps addressing achievement in the outer life or should they be steps addressing。
more the inner life and happiness？ I wanted to share a couple of stories with you about these two executives that I interacted。
with in an important program that we teach here at Borden and tell you their unusual stories。
because they put their dots in cell number three and they had two very different reasons。
for doing so。 I teach in a program here at Borden called the Advanced Management Program and we have executives。
come from all over the world。 They're very senior。 45 to 55 or 60 years old。
They are in very irresponsible positions and global firms and we give them this problem。
as part of a set of exercises where they get to kind of benchmark their own success and。
where they think they're going when the program's over。
And one year I had two people in that program。 They're about 50 each time we teach it。
You put their dots in the high achievement， low happiness。
I thought that was interesting enough to ask them in front of the group because they get。
to trust each other quite a lot and they're very candid with each other。
What was the process they were thinking about as they put their dot in that low happiness。
box but high achievement box。 They gave two different people。
gave two answers that I think are interesting and give you。
a sense of the variance that can happen to different people in different stages of their， careers。
So the first person explained that he was a very senior executive。
He was the head of the North American Division， Canada， the United States， Mexico of a major。
fortune 500 company and he said that he had given himself a high achievement ranking because。
he had so far exceeded any position that he ever expected to achieve。
So he had always been someone who wanted to achieve a lot but he just had never thought。
that he would be in the position that he was in at the time we were discussing it。
So he gave himself credit for a high level of achievement。
But then I said well why the low happiness check and he went well。
As I was sitting here today listening to the discussion and thinking about myself I suddenly。
came to realize that for the last three promotions that I've gotten I have promoted myself further。
and further away from what I actually love to do。 And so whereas I was very passionate about efficiency and factories and getting everything。
to run smoothly and to be highly productive and operations related。
The last three promotions I've ended up doing more and more politics， meetings， internal conflict。
and almost none of the things that really you know just me and get me excited about work。
So I suddenly realized that I've been successful on the career side but I have actually gotten。
away from and it's hard to imagine how I'm going to get back to the thing that I actually。
motivated me to get in this career to start with。 So I felt some compassion for this guy because it's really hard if someone offers you a promotion。
to turn it down because you want to stay at some activity level or responsibility level。
that you feel you're well suited for。 In fact I think in most companies they might take that as a sign that you're unmotivated。
and they might move you along。 I've taught a lot of teachers and school administrators here in the United States and very often。
teachers have this problem。 They love children， they love education。
they enter the career of teaching， they show some， administrative talent。
they get promoted to be an assistant principal， they're still， teaching a little。
they get promoted to be a principal， they're not teaching at all。
They get promoted to be a school superintendent， they're not even in a school anymore and their。
happiness level goes down as each promotion level goes up and I think it's something you。
have to pay attention to if you want to achieve the kind of full success that you aspire to。
The other person who had put their dot there was entirely different。 He was very young。
he was about 35 years old for young for this group。
He was from South America and he had he said recently been given an award as the top lawyer。
in his country in South America and the youngest person ever to achieve this honor and so he。
felt that he deserved to put himself in the high achievement cell and I said well that。
sounds great so why the low happiness score？ He said well I hate law and so although I'm very good at it it really doesn't give me。
much your satisfaction at all so I put myself down there and it was interesting because when。
I heard him say that I realized for him at a young age where he's got a skill or a mindset。
like legal training that's easily ported from one area to another his ability to move from。
the low happiness up to a higher level by changing jobs， by changing functions， by changing。
firms is going to be much easier than the first gentleman who had basically undertaken。
a huge degree of responsibilities that were going to make it impossible for him to go。
backwards to the factory floor that he loves so much。
So just a couple of examples of how people end up where they do and the challenges at。
liehead once you've identified the area that you think you need to focus on next whether。
it's the next step in a career which might mean that you're focused on the achievement。
side or whether it's the next step in moderating or understanding your emotions， your personal。
relationships， your hobbies or things that you do because you love doing them and how。
you can do those more which might help you move up to happiness scale。
So this is just a little bit of a diagnostic on what your agenda is and what you need to。
be working on and now we're going to look at some tools to help you begin concretely working。
toward those goals。 Thank you。 [BLANK_AUDIO]。
