Narrative writing revision

My name is Fan Jin, an ordinary farmer's son, who has had an extraordinary dream of studying since childhood. In those days when the imperial examinations were prevalent, to be successful in the examination was the beginning of a new life, glory and wealth.
I remember the day of the examination, the weather was unusually sunny. With years of accumulated knowledge and full of enthusiasm, I entered the examination room. It was a long day, between pen, ink and paper, as if carrying all my future. Although the exam questions were not difficult, I was still very nervous inside, and I couldn't stop my right hand and feet from trembling. Even so, I still have to try to concentrate, every word and every sentence will be considered again and again, just hope that I can show my years of hard work and study.
Out of the examination room, I clenched my sweaty hands, full of apprehension is difficult to quell. Back home, I hardly dared to think about the results of the examination, trying to release the pressure through other ways, silently waiting for the results to be announced. Every day was like a year, and whenever I passed my neighbours' doorsteps, I could always catch a glimpse of their disdainful eyes and hear all kinds of insults hurled at me. I had no choice but to take my steps and move on. Until the day the results were released, The butcher was still splitting his hairs and cursing me for being unproductive. When I returned, I found that my mother and wife were so hungry that they couldn't keep their eyes open, so I had to go to the bazaar and sell the old hens for rice. But no one seemed to need it. Looking at the forlorn old hen, I felt a great despair in my heart, thinking that my destiny stopped here, and returned home in despair.
When I arrived at the door of my house, I found my mother surrounded by neighbors, carrying rice and wine in her hands, with a red cloth in front of the door. Just as I was trying to figure out what was going on, someone shouted, "You've won the lottery!" I walked in. I walked in to take a look at the post of congratulations hanging high in my home, and after confirming that I had really won the election, I suddenly found it difficult to breathe, my heart stopped suddenly, and my eyes closed and I fell straight into the past.
After waking up, I struggled to hold myself up with my hands, ignoring the greetings of the people around me, and mumbling, "I've won, I've won," and then I leapt up and ran out of the house with my legs wide open, and accidentally fell into the stinking muddy pond in front of the door. But my feverish brain made me ignore the mud stains on my face and run ecstatically to the street to vent my emotions, until The butcher hit me with a slap and my brain suddenly went blank and I fainted.
When I woke up, I found a man in official clothes next to me, introducing me to official positions and asking me to consider my future career. While I was on the carriage with him, many neighbours and squires came to congratulate me, and even The butcher changed his previous attitude towards me, with a kind face, and sent me a lot of meat and silver, and his words became very polite. Watching his behaviour, I felt both scared and godly inside.
At the age of 54, I formally embarked on my career.