I don't chase, I attract

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Here I go again, analyzing another corny quote. Another one. Apparently this is something I enjoy doing because I can't stop at this point. I can't say that I don't like corny quotes because I can't stop talking about them. I just can't stop. This is like the third podcast episode I've done on a corny quote. I'm addicted to corny quotes, and it's a little frightening to me because I take pride in the fact that I am Gen. Z born in 2001. I am Gen. Z. But my weird obsession with inspirational corny quotes is really millennial, and I'm starting to wonder if I was born in the wrong generation. You know, kids love to say that I should have been born in the 70s. I should have been born in the 60s. I should have been born in the 50s. I should have been born in the 90s so that I could be a millennial and it would be less weird that I love inspirational, corny quotes on today's agenda. We have a quote that is beloved on social media right now.

I don't chase, I attract. The full quote is I don't chase. I attract. What belongs to me will simply find me. The shortened version is what's going particularly viral. I guess it's somewhat viral. I definitely see it floating around on the Internet a lot, and I completely understand why.

The quote applies to almost everything that we desire in life, romantic relationships, careers, etcetera. It's a quote that you can apply to anything that you're striving for, and it'll fit perfectly. And our desires are usually on the forefront of our mind, so it makes sense that this quote is exciting to people. In addition to that, we all have a tendency to chase, especially in romantic relationships. I think that it applies in career as well, but it hits home for romantic relationships for most people today. I want a deep dive on this quote specifically within the context of romantic relationships. I feel like this quote is most commonly used within the context of romantic relationships. I think this quote is the most impactful within the context of romantic relationships.

So that's the journey we're going to go on today. It's funny because when I initially heard this quote, I wasn't fully sold on it. And I think the reason for that was because I sort of believe that when we want things in life, we should go out and get them. We shouldn't wait for them to come to us. We should go snatch that shit up. We have the power to make our desires come to fruition, but we can't just sit idly by. There are steps that we have to take in order to make those dreams come true in any category of life. I don't necessarily believe in just letting it come to you, and when it comes to romantic relationships, I was especially conflicted, I think because one of my favorite love songs sort of contradicts the whole quote.

One of my favorite love songs is True Love Will Find You in the End by Daniel Johnston, and the specific lyrics that contradict this quote are True Love Will Find You in the End. This is a promise with a catch. Only if you're looking can it find you because true love is searching too. But how can it recognize you if you don't step out into the light? So we have two contradicting ideas here.

I don't chase. I attract. Feels like I'm just going to chill out and wait around and my soul mate will just show up at my front door banging on the door with roses, wearing underwear only. And it's going to be so iconic when they show up at my door in their underwear only, Which by the way would be, I guess it depends on who it is. But that's one sentiment which I on the service level, understand. It's like you don't want to force things you want to let things just fall into your lap. But on the surface, that feels like wishful thinking, to think that, it's just going to plop into my lap. True Love will find you in the End, by Daniel Johnston is saying you need to open up your heart. You need to put a little bit of effort in, be present, be around people, step into the light and true love will find you. It's saying don't just sit at home in the dark and wait for your soul mate to knock on the door.

Step into the light so that true love can recognize you, right? So initially I was very judgmental of the quote. I was like, this just feels like wishful thinking to me. But when I read between the lines, I started to see the value. What does it mean to chase? Within the context of this quote, I think it means to pursue the things you desire in life from a sense of desperation, from a sense of lack. It's trying to fill a void with something. It's forcing things. It's trying to put a puzzle piece in that doesn't fit. It's cutting corners, it's rushing things, You know what I mean? Chasing after something is hard because you're trying to grab something that doesn't want to be grabbed. So it has to be forced. It has to be rushed. It has to be exhausting. It has to come from a place of desperation. Otherwise you wouldn't be chasing. It has to come from a place of insecurity, or else you wouldn't be chasing. That's the nuance that I was lacking when I first read the quote. I think a good example would be going through a breakup, being destroyed over it, and instead of sitting in that pain and waiting for it to pass before dating again, you just go on every date you can. You go on a hundred dates in a month. Just trying to cure that sadness. Just trying to fill that void instead of waiting until you heal. Focusing on yourself in letting someone come into your life.

I think the reason why this quote, especially within the context of relationships, is so impactful is because it's not intuitive to attract. It's more intuitive, I think, to chase. It's so tempting when you're, for whatever reason, feeling rushed to find your person. Whether it's because you just went through a breakup, or it's because you feel like you're running out of time, or it's because you're lonely. Or it's because you're insecure. Or it's because you want a distraction because there's other things going on in your life that are uncomfortable. Or it's because all your friends are in relationships and you're feeling lonely. Or it's because whatever it may be, it's so easy to just want to chase and hunt down anything you can find and try to put a puzzle piece into the puzzle that is your life that doesn't fit because it makes you feel like you're in control. And don't we all love control? OMG, don't we love that? I love it. I'm the biggest control freak I know I am. I love being in control of my destiny. I love feeling like I know what's going to happen next. It's up to me.

I get to reach out and grab it, but a lot of times we don't have that power. We have power only over what we do, You know? That's rarely enough. So we go out and we start chasing other people, trying to almost not really control what they do, but we chase things in life so that we feel like we're in control of our situation.

But the unfortunate part of that is that you're going to end up really fucking exhausted and you're going to end up really discouraged, and you might even end up settling for something that you didn't even want. You know? I think of it like this. When you're chasing something, you're exhausting yourself. Chasing is exhausting. You're running after something, trying to catch it, and a lot of times you're chasing a lot of different people at once.

Within the context of relationships, you're chasing a lot of people at once, trying to make one work frantically. And it's so exhausting that by the time you catch one, your ability to judge whether or not that person is good for you is it's tired. You're not going to be able to really analyze if this is a good person for you. And then you might get into a relationship that's mediocre at best. And the unfortunate part about that is that being in a mediocre relationship still hurts when it's over. And when it's over, you'll find yourself in an even more vulnerable position that will make you want to chase even more. Do you see what I'm saying? It's like an evil cycle. And I think this specific definition of chasing is crucial when it comes to this quote. Because again, I was like, what do you mean we shouldn't chase stuff? Of course we should. That was my initial thought was like, you better go run after the shit you want in this life. You only got one life and you can't just sit on your ass and watch the world go by. You got to get up and grab shit.

But getting up and grabbing shit is different than like, chasing around frantically trying to catch something that doesn't want to be caught by you, or so desperately trying to catch something that you end up catching something you don't even like.

Do you know what I'm saying? OK, what does it mean to attract? To attract means to do the best you can as a human being. Try to better your life. Try to take steps in the right direction. Try to lead with yourself and your well-being in mind. Trying to better yourself spiritually, emotionally, trying to grow and evolve as a person, trying to make yourself a more rounded person, and then letting things come to you as a result. This makes so much sense to me.

It's being aware of your goals and taking the steps towards accomplishing them, but calmly accepting that you don't know exactly how you're going to get there. It's a much more calm, relaxed, accepting mindset. It's finding contentment with where you are today and feeling healthily restless about where you want to be in a year, but giving yourself in the universe this level of grace to let it unfold in the way that it may.

I think a good example would be finding yourself in a chapter of your life where you're single, you're working on yourself, you're developing your hobbies, your skills, your emotional maturity, whatever. And you decide to pursue some of your hobbies in a more serious way. Maybe you join a pottery class, maybe you join a cooking class, Maybe you start sewing clothes, and so you're at the fabric store a lot, and you end up meeting a really cool person that you actually end up dating. It's sort of funny how the universe works that way.

When you're actively doing things in your life that are making your life better for you. A lot of times that will attract like minded people who are really great additions to your life. And I think that This is why this quote applies so perfectly to romantic relationships is because there are so many options, but there are not a lot of great options. And romance is vulnerable. And we can make bad decisions when we're feeling insecure, when we're feeling desperate, when we're feeling lonely, and we end up finding the best options for ourselves, when we're putting ourselves in environments that attract like minded people to us. It makes complete sense why focusing inward attracts great people.
I also think focusing inward is crucial for development and in terms of romantic relationships.

When we're single and looking for someone, ideally we want to find somebody who makes us want to be better people. We want to date someone who we admire. We want to date someone who is on our level to an extent, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, whatever. And a lot of times we have to take ourselves to the next level before we can date someone who's at the next level. Does that make sense? We're going to attract even more admirable people the more that we focus inward and work on ourselves.

So what is the quote really saying? I don't chase, I attract? Well, it's not saying to just sit around and wait for shit to magically happen, that's for sure. It's telling you to focus on yourself, Focus on improving yourself in your life while being aware of the life that you want to have in the future. Except that you don't know what the journey's going to look like. Focusing on yourself in the meantime and taking positive steps in the right direction towards the life that you want to have. It's about having dreams, having goals, having aspirations, having desires, but approaching them with tranquility, approaching them with open mindedness, approaching them with a level of trust in the universe.

It's this agreement with oneself to focus on you while keeping your eyes open to what falls in your lap as a result. OK, so in conclusion, this quote's phenomenal to be honest. Like, I actually really think that this is a phenomenal quote and I'm so sorry for my initial judgement. And this is not to say that the song lyrics that I adore that I thought contradicted this quote, are false because they're not false. They go hand in hand. It's saying true love will find you in the end.

This is a promise with a catch. Only if you're looking can it find you cause True love is searching too. But how can it recognize you if you don't step out into the light? It's actually kind of the same idea. My analysis is that you stepping out into the light is you focusing on yourself and becoming the best version of yourself so that you're lit up and you're.

Does that make sense? Am I totally losing it? Oh my God, I need to get off Pinterest like or something. Jeez, like what am I doing? I'm like, that's not good. I'm actually getting a lot of value out of this conversation, and I hope you are too. So I actually have no regrets and I don't need to get off Pinterest and everything's totally fine. The thing that's so beautiful about this realization is that it's easier to just attract in a lot of ways. It causes so much less grief, so much less disappointment.

It's taking you on a journey to a better place in life. The only challenge is that it just requires a level of discipline, because even though it's exhausting to chase, it can be so tempting. When you're in a vulnerable place, it can be so tempting when you're in pain, you're lonely, you're hurting.

There's a lot of energy pent up inside you when you're feeling those things, and so it can be easy to just let that energy explode and manifest by chasing. It's a little less automatic to take all of that energy pent up inside from your hurt, your pain, your loneliness, and redirect it into working on yourself, bettering yourself, focusing on yourself, relinquishing control where you need to relinquish control. I also don't think that this is a skill that any of us can master. I think this is a sentiment that we should continuously return to because it's so much easier said than done, and throughout our lives we'll be faced with moments when we don't want to attract, we just want to chase because it's easier and it's less scary.

In a lot of ways, chasing is exhausting and disappointing, but at times can give you brief moments of gratification, which is why it's tempting. Attracting requires you to look inward, do a little bit of work, and find that shit from within, though over time it's easier because you're not chasing anything, so you're less exhausted in that way, but you're still somewhat exhausted because you have to do some work within.

I think the difference is that work within will eventually lead to the ability to attract things, the ability to approach your life with calmness and open mindedness. The pain ends when you attract. The pain doesn't end when you chase, because you're not developing yourself emotionally, You're not doing the work inside. You're getting brief moments of gratification, if any, but they fleet so fast that you end up worse off on the other side.

You just end up in a worse place overall. I guess the girlies were right on Tiktok. Actually, I don't even have Tiktok. I see everything on reels or YouTube shorts. I know, it's No, not being on Tiktok is so embarrassing because I'm like sending links to YouTube shorts instead of a Tiktok.

You know what I mean? And people are like, what the hell are you doing? What the hell are you doing? Again, people are like, you're a millennial. You were born in the wrong generation. You're a fucking grandma. You're sending us YouTube shorts in the group chat. That's so embarrassing. It's fine. But you know what? This is a mantra that I genuinely am going to keep in the back of my head, 'cause I really do think, despite it being a little corny, blah blah blah, I don't care. It's actually a great quote and it has some really helpful sentiments that I need to tattoo in my brain and I think we all do so. To finish off this episode, let's sort of figure out action items for all of us. How do we attract and not chase? What can we do in our lives so that we're not chasing, We're attracting? OK #1 mindfulness.

This is literally so funny, 'cause I swear so much can be changed by mindfulness, but it's such an empty piece of advice. Well, just be more mindful. What the fuck does that mean? To be honest, I don't even know what it means technically, but I have my own definition. To me, in this particular context, mindfulness means to consistently remind myself what I should be thinking. It's actively reminding myself to think in a different way because we can have a tendency to get into bad habits mentally. I do it all the fucking time, but we're aware of when our brains start thinking the wrong things. It's not like we're not aware of it. The key is to become aware the 2nd that your brain starts doing something that you don't like and pivoting it, rerouting it.

I'll give you an example. Let's say you're having a lonely weekend. Your friends are out of town. You can't distract yourself. You're like, fuck, what do I do? And so you start just texting people on your phone that you maybe could have sex with and you're like, hey, like, what are you doing? You're like, hey, I want to hang tonight, but you don't even like these people. And these people don't make you feel good, but it's better than nothing. So you're kind of chasing that situation. Let's say before you even start shooting texts out, you realize what you're about to do. You're like, oh, wait a minute, I'm not attracting, I'm chasing, and this is not good. Well, what you could do instead is say, you know what, I'm going to go to a cooking class tonight because I've been wanting to cook. So I'm going to go to a cooking class tonight and maybe I'll meet some fun people that way.

Or a more realistic option would be, you know what? I'm going to spend tonight working on a little creative project. I don't know what it is yet, but I'm going to figure it out. Or I've been wanting to learn how to play the ukulele and it's sitting in the corner of my room. Maybe I'm going to pick that up for 40 minutes. It's like rerouting your mind. Or let's say it's like a Friday night and you're like, I need to go out, I need to go to the bars, I need to go to the clubs. Why? Because I need someone to flirt with me.

Let me tell you, when you go to a bar or club and you're like, I need somebody to flirt with me sometimes they might, but it's never going to be the person you wanted to flirt with you. It's usually, yeah, it's never the person you wanted and you're going to end up disappointed. So you know, what you could do is shift the mindset and say, I'm not going to go out tonight chasing. I'm just going to go out tonight, have fun with my friends and what comes to me. And I swear to God, when you go out with that mindset, you just end up having a better night. And sometimes you'll have better results and you'll attract cooler people that you're actually into. You know what I mean? OK, that's the mindfulness of it all.

Second tip is to distract yourself responsibly. There are so many healthy ways that we can distract ourselves, whether it's getting our work done, whether it's spending time with friends and family, whether it's spending extra time on hobbies, whether it's cooking, whether it's cleaning. It doesn't matter. There are so many healthy ways to distract yourself. And when you're in a phase where you're wanting to chase, you want control. And there's so many things that we have control over right in front of us. And it's so important when you're having those urges to go be responsible. Go take steps in the right direction in your life. Distract yourself with those things and it can be hard to start those activities because you want instant gratification in some way. But long term it pays off, and long term it makes you feel better.

Next, focus on refining your goals for the future. Crack open your journal or just stare at the fucking ceiling. That's what I've been doing recently. Find a way to figure out what you want in the future.

I've been doing this a lot recently. I stare at the ceiling, and actually I do this all the time anyway. This is not that recent, but especially recently staring at the ceiling and asking myself what do I want? What does that look like? What do I want my life to look like in 10 years? Vaguely, What do I vaguely want things to look like? I think you can get yourself into some trouble when you have specific, super specific goals. Like, well, I need to be married to this person and I need to be living in this state and I need to have one son and two daughters and the son needs to be two years older than the daughter or else they'll get bullied at school. And then I need to also have a farm in my backyard. But the farm needs to only be able to grow winter crops because I don't care about the summer crops. And my house needs to be green and with brown trim. And I need to have a big car. Why? Because I'm actually, I'm going to have three more kids. I'm going to have five kids. There's bun in the oven. I'm pregnant. I need to be pregnant at 32, 1/2 years old. That's when you get yourself into some trouble, because that is not going to happen, right? It's not going to happen. You can't be too specific. You have to leave some room for the imagination.

But it's nice to have a general idea of what you want. I'll give you an example within the context of relationships, because that's kind of the topic of today, vaguely, Is it really, It's kind of just about life, but it was supposed to be about relationships. When you're sort of imagining what your next significant other is going to look like, don't imagine well, they're going to be 6 feet tall, super, super, super, in good shape, runs marathons, obviously. Super smart. Went to Harvard, went to Yale, obviously good with dogs, 'cause I have a dog now. I think the proper way to manifest, visualize, refine your goals is to look at the things that really matter When it comes to a relationship, everyone's priorities are different. Some people want an outgoing person, 'cause that balances them out. Some people want a shy person. Some people want a creative person. Some people want a more mathematical type of person. Some people don't care about any of that. And they're like, you know what I want? Just someone who is on my team. Someone who supports me. Someone who loves me for who I am, and I love them for who they are. And I don't really care about the details. It's just figuring out what you want, OK? And leaving a bit of room for what life brings you.

But I do think that there's a lot of value in figuring out what's important to you. What are deal Breakers? What's your ultimate goal in life? Do you want to get married? Do you want to have kids? Do you want to just have a life partner where it's like we're not married, we don't have kids, but we're just together forever? Like, what do you want next? Find confidence from within? Well, that's tough. This is something I've been working on for my entire life. For whatever reason, I have chronic low self esteem. It's not that low, but it's pretty low. It's lower than it should be. People often are frustrated by me in a lot of ways because they're like what's happening. Like what? Like you must just be lying or like fishing for attention because you like you're so self deprecating, you hate yourself so much.

Like why are you trying to be silly like that? It is not that I like. For years people were like you're so fucking annoying because you just you're so self deprecating and you're obviously lying. Like you're exaggerating like you obviously aren't. What are you talking about? No, I'm not just trying to be cute and silly. Like I actually deeply have low self esteem, especially with dating. Like really, really. That's my soft spot right there in relationships. I just feel like I yeah, it's a soft spot for Emma, but I've been really working on finding confidence from within and you know what?

I've realized confidence from within comes from #1 being a good person, #2 doing things that make me proud, #3 doing good things for other people. Being a good person to other people, #4 taking good care of myself #5 mindfulness.

Just every time I say something mean about myself, say you don't mean that, take it back. And then my brain says back you did mean that. And then I say no I didn't. And then I go back and forth for 30 minutes. Finding confidence from within is not easy, and honestly, I don't know if I'm ever going to fully find it. But it definitely gets better when I do all the things I listed next. Find fulfillment from within. So easy to find fulfillment with romance because romance is so all consuming. Oh my God, it's all consuming. Wow. I just. I don't have to think about anything else. I don't have to feel fulfilled by anything else, 'cause this is just checking every box for me right now. It's so fucking hard, but we have to try to find that excitement from within. Unfortunately, the fulfillment we find within will never feel as electric as the feeling that we get from romantic relationships.

But it'll be more stable and it'll be even more rewarding, to be honest. It'll also attract better relationships, You know what I mean? That's what's funny about it. It's like we attract the best relationships when we're fulfilled within and we don't even need a relationship. That's the irony of it. I'm not the first one to say that though. Everybody knows that already. I personally find fulfillment from within through my platonic relationships with other people. Having really, really strong bonds platonically with other people. That is so special to me, also doing good things for other people. It's not all about me. All the time. Trying to do good things for other people that makes me feel fulfilled, but also giving myself proper attention as well.

Again, taking care of myself, allowing time for hobbies, working in a way that feels fulfilling for me. I mean, listen, finding fulfillment from within looks different for everyone, but that's what Emma does. We also need to take others off a pedestal. Nobody's really worth chasing. Yeah, no, no one's worth chasing. The only reason why we think we need to chase people or even chase things, is because we have a tendency to put things on a pedestal that we don't fully understand. When you see someone hot on social media and you're like, Oh my God, I need to date them, they're probably not as perfect as you think they are. In fact, they are not as perfect as you think they are. I mean, this applies to so many things in life, even like your dream job. You might be chasing your dream job and trying to force it to happen, but you might get your dream job and realize, Oh my God, I put this job on a pedestal and it's not living up to what I thought it would be.

Fuck, that's a bummer. It's much easier to accept something that came to you, something that you attracted for what it is, and see it's beauty for what it is because it just came to you, You know? You're able to see its positives and negatives in a much more rational way. Whereas you're chasing something because it's on a pedestal. You think it's going to be fucking awesome and then you get it. And you're like, that.

Didn't live up to my expectation. I had this up on a pedestal, huh? And a lot of times our brains can immediately do a switch and convince us that the thing that we were chasing is good for us because we had it up on that pedestal to begin with, when in reality that's not true. You know, it's actually not something that's good for us. We just are so exhausted from chasing that we're now lying to ourselves so that we don't have to chase anymore. And last but not least, strengthen your independence. Listen, being self-sufficient is something that we can all work on.

I mean, I think some of us take it too far. But learning to be comfortable and fulfilled alone is an ongoing journey, and it really helps when it comes to not chasing things in life. A lot of times we chase people because we're lonely. We don't know how to exist without other people around. We want a significant other. We want to be dating somebody, so we don't have to be alone. But if you're independent, then you're fine being alone. You might be a little lonely sometimes. You might wish that you had a significant other to cuddle up with. But if you're comfortable with your independence, then you're going to be able to sit in those feelings of sadness and loneliness and not react by chasing.

You're going to react by rerouting and doing something that is positive anyway. I'm shutting my iPad. That's when you know it's fucking over. Emma's done mic drop. That's all I have for today. So repeat after me. I don't chase. I attract. What belongs to me will simply find me. OK, you heard me, ladies. I don't chase. I attract. Honestly, I'm obsessed with this quote. Sorry, I know I had my doubts, but this quote fucking rocks.

Sorry, I'm getting it tatted on my asshole hole. No, actually, the asshole is not visible enough. I need it, like, on my chest. Like right across my chest, because then I'd see it in the mirror. Whereas if it was on my whole, I wouldn't see it. And this is a quote I need to be seeing on a daily basis. I get it. It's corny. I get it. You're laughing at me at home. I get it. You're like Emma, you're so cringe. You just talked about I don't chase. I attract for like an hour. I mean, get a life, right? I get it. But it's a good quote.

Sorry. This one's good. If I had to rate this one out of 10, I'd probably give it a 9.8 like it's fucking up there. Honestly, a 9.9, It's a really great quote. All right. That's all I have for today. I hope you all enjoyed hanging out. I totally did. As always, if you enjoyed it, TuneIn new episodes every Thursday and Sunday. You can stream anywhere, You get podcasts, but for video, you have to go to Spotify. You can follow. Anything goes on Instagram and anything goes. You can follow me on Instagram at Emma Chamberlain. You can follow Chamberlain Coffee, my coffee company, on Instagram. At Chamberlain Coffee, you can also go on chamberlaincoffee.com and pick up some matcha, some tea, some accessories. You can also go on the store locator and see if we're in a store near you.

I really love and appreciate you all. And I'm so grateful that you come and hang out with me. And I guess I'll just talk to you later. Talk to you soon. I love you all. OK. Bye.